Friday, April 29, 2005

3 Days Left in Canada!

A few people have asked for more specifics as to my trip so here goes:

Scheduled departure: Sunday May 1 at 11:55pm (yes, PM)

I will be arriving in London the next day (May 2) at 5:10pm local time. From there I'll be taking another flight to Basel, Switzerland and will continue on through Austria, Czech, and Germany.

Below is a list of the major places I plan on visiting:

London: Monopoly board run
Was thinking of making this a pub crawl, but I doubt I have enough time, stamina, or cash to sustain a 26 location pub crawl.

After two nights in London, I'll get on a plane to...

Switzerland:
Basel

Austria:
Salzburg - Mozart!
Vienna

Czech:
Prague
Cesky Krumlov

Germany:
Neuschwanstein Castle - Inspiration for Sleeping Beauty Castle in Disneyland
Dresden - Amazing architecture
Sachsenhausen - Concentration camp near Berlin
Berlin - Hop on a flight to back to London before I come back to Canada

Scheduled return: June 2 at 3:25pm Vancouver time.

The above list is all the major cities I plan on visiting, but what I'm most looking forward to is visiting the smaller towns. We'll see how this goes.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Site mechanics update

Enabled comments and fixed up the RSS feed (http://motivity.blogspot.com/atom.xml). Now the entire post should show up in your RSS aggregator of choice.

Update on my trip planning is coming up later tonight.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Pre-Europe Trip Update

First, I would like to thank everybody who replied for their advice suggestions. It was great hearing from all of you and it really helped me. Second, quite a few things have happened these last few days to play havoc on my proposed Europe trip:

1) My parents, in a showing of overzealous protectionism, offered to put $10,000 towards my future car purchase... provided that I cancel my trip. Backpack through Europe or $10,000 off the purchase of a car? Either way, I win... or is that lose.

Resolution: Go on the trip anyways, quoting flimsey appeals of integrity and skyrocketing gas prices as justification.

2) Poland and Hungary, among others, require your passport to be valid for 6 months AFTER your intended departure from the country. My passport expires in October and even applying for a new one won't help as Poland also requires that your passport be valid for 3 months PRIOR to your arrival.

Resolution: Rehaul my travel plans to exclude these countries, unfortunate casualties of impromptu decision making.

My revamped itinerary now follows a path revolving around a Eurail Selectpass instead of an European East Pass. Switzerland, Austria, Slovenia, Germany, and Czech form the base of my list now.

3) Related to the two items above, I've had to shorten my travel time. Instead of the 40 day trip initially envisioned, I'll be cutting that by a week. This means I won't be able to devote a week to each country. I know I said it would be a "whirlwind tour", but I was hoping to take a little more time

Resolution: Further tweaking of my travel plans. With about 10 days left, I'm sure I'll go through quite a few more revisions.

Friday, April 15, 2005

EuroTrip

With my SFU carreer over and done, I'm making an impromptu whirlwind tour of Eastern Europe.

Preliminary Itinerary

  • Czech Republic (Prague, and thinking of Cesky Krumlov, Brno, Olomouc)
  • Austria (Vienna)
  • Slovak Repulbic (Bratislava? Just because it's on the way to Hungary)
  • Hungary (Siofok, Budapest)
  • Poland (Krakow, Warsaw)

It looks like I'll be flying through London and Berlin, spending at least half a day in each.

If anybody has any input or advice, let me know before I take off at the end of April!

bruce.h.nguyen(at)gmail(dot)com

Monday, April 11, 2005

For all you RSS people

The RSS feed attached to this blog only sends the first paragraph or 255 words (whichever is shorter) of each post. So for anybody reading this through an RSS feed, visit the site (motivity.blogspot.com) to view my posts in full.

It's about perspective

I've discovered the readership of this blog is larger than I had thought, unknowingly caused by my own actions. I guess this means that I will start putting more time and effort into each post. Yes, maybe even enough time to write short posts instead of long ones.

*****

Watched an episode of Angel (Season 2, Episode 6: "Guise Will Be Guise") where he meets with a Swami in order to learn a bit about himself and heal some psychological wounds. Turns out the Swami was a fake, but the false wisdom imparted still had a good deal of merit. With controversy revolving around the validity of religion (**cough**Mormon**cough**) and other beliefs, perhaps what's more important than the validity of the source is what you can learn from it. A glib response may be "so the end justifies the means?" Well, no. It doesn't. And I'm not trying to imply that. What I'm trying to say is you can find value in any and everything, it's all about perspective.

To unilaterally dismiss an entire argument due to one particular attribute is foolish. It's not all or nothing, black or white, good or evil. At least, not necessarily. There can be shades of grey, shades of brown, or even a rainbow of colour (or texture! Texture is the new colour, don't you know); it all depends on your perspective.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

"No" Means "Yes" in Poland

MISA's annual Alumni Night this last Thursday, with yours truly as the MC. Ever get the feeling that people are too polite or kind (or scared) to tell you what they actually think? Oh well, that's not really something I want to write about right now. What I do want to share is a couple of quotes I picked up.

"If you were a hot dog, and you are hungry, would you eat yourself?" --Paul Cyr

Behind this SNL quote is a metaphor to self-sacrifice. When put to the task, how willing are you to sacrifice yourself for it? There is only so much that you are able to give; you have to find your passion.

This goes hand in hand with a quote from later that night:

"Make your no's mean no and your yes's mean yes." --Jason McIvor


Too often people will say "yes" or "no" according to what they think the other person wants to hear, or because they feel it is expected of them. Reaaly, by doing this you are showing that you are afraid of the consequences of telling the truth. And while there may be consequences, they are most likely small compared to the consequences of being caught in a falsehood.

* * * * *

On a different note, my mood nowadays is too easily swayed by music. Or is it that the kind of music I listen to is influenced by my current mood? Either way, I have to stop playing this melencholy shit.

* * * * *

Back to Alumni Night, the BILLION DOLLAR MIS CHALLENGE was a blast... although I had a brain fart and let Paul win the acronym challenge with "FTP". Honestly... FTP? WTF?

Sunday, March 20, 2005

FUCK YOU RENAISSANCE!

Fourty-five minutes for a fucking pinini? Are you serious? Are you fucking seriousing me?

First of all, a "few minutes" in my book doesn't mean 45. Five or 10 I can see, even 15. But fucking 45?! If it's going to be over half an hour, fucking tell me that. Don't give me "just a few minutes" shit when you know it's not. Second, don't give me that "we're understaffed" bullshit. How long have you been in operation? If you have two people on duty on weekdays, two people should be plenty enough for the weekends. Compared to weekdays, SFU is a fucking ghost town on Sunday. And really, if that retarded brown chick behind the counter knew what she was doing, there wouldn't have been a backlog in the first place. Using the microwaves to speed up the process? I'll give you credit for that. But you know what? It probably would be even better to make use of all the grills. If there are four grills and a backlog of orders, you use all four grills, NOT TWO. It's not that fucking hard. And those grills weren't broken, she used all of them... just not at the same time because, apparently, she's fucking stupid. Third, if you forget whose order is whose, FUCKING ASK! Don't just stare aimlessly for 2 minutes, only to put it to the side and ignore it.

...

I'd continue, but I was interupted and have lost the rhythm. I meant everything I wrote up there, but probably could have found a more constructive way to say it. It's amazing what a simple "thank you" will do for your mood. You're welcome, Jess.

And thank you.

It's all about the D.R.E.A.M.

So I get a phone call yesterday from a client who just wants to make it clear that she is not racist. The reason she asked about our nationality when she first met us, she says, is because she had some bad experiences with Central and South American people, and so doesn't want to take any more chances with Filipino people.

Didn't realize the Phillippines were in the Americas.

But back to the point, judging or discriminating against a person based on their race is the very definition of racism. But "I'm not a bad person. I'm not racist," she keeps claiming. Well, I'm not going to comment on the first part (she did call to apologize afterall, but that may have been for reasons other than a simple apology), but lady, you are racist. And by your very own admission. If you're going to claim that you are not something, you should at least know the definition of it first.

The thing that gets me the most is that I'm pretty sure she doesn't really understand what racism is and the reprecussions of it. Sure, it's discrimination, but that's not why it's wrong. It's wrong because in most cases, a person's race has nothing to do with their capabilities or appropriateness for a job. Discrimination is not inherently a bad thing. When buying food, you discriminate on taste and price. When hiring somebody for a job, you discriminate based on perceived competence and experience. After all, Discrimination Rules Everything Around Me, DREAM (get the money, dollah dollah bills, y'all!). Where things go wrong is when the basis of discrimination and the target measure of performance are not related.

Now I can imagine some circumstances where racism (discrimination based on race) is justified. For instance, when producing a historically accurate film on a budget, you don't cast a Chinese guy to play the role of Mansa Mussa, African King of Mali. A person's race, however, is not related to their landscaping skills.

South America... get a freakin atlus.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Awkward silences

Hi.




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So... come here often?

Monday, March 14, 2005

Artificially Esoteric and Intentionally Ambiguous

"What do you believe?"


Every so often I am asked this question. My answer is usually some off-hand remark about being agnostic (read: indecisive). But if I were to honestly consider the question, I may be lead to say that what I believe is that we are all here for a reason; not necessarily for a purpose, but certainly for a reason. Also, although I may be contradicting myself, I believe in choice and free will.

It's a theory that has been coagulating in the pit of my mind for a while now. While it seemed an epiphany at the time, after years surfing the net and browsing the numerous authoritative discertations of self-proclaimed intelligentsia, it all appears rather banal.

Please, if there are any philosophy majors or critical thinkers out there, leave me my ego and restrain from tearing apart my argument.


  • Fate
  • Cause and effect
  • The illusion of choice
Elementary chemistry teaches us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This is not to say that the results of actions are equal to the action itself. Some people call this a snowballing effect, domino effect, or a butterfly effect (where a butterfly flapping its wings in Rio de Janeiro might change the weather in Chicago), point being that it is virtually impossible to see in totality the effects of our actions as ripple and build with other actions in an infinite system. At the same time, it is also impossible to be aware of all the factors that came to cause your action. Following this thinking, if everything is based on cause and effect, any particular action you take or "choice" you make is a reaction to past actions and circumstances. While there are options and different paths to be travelled - "choices" if you will - which path is ultimately followed is the end result of a cosmic equation of infinite variables. Sure, there are different options available, but if somebody knew all the particulars of you, your environment, and the history of your experiences and interactions, they would be able to predict your actions with the utmost accuracy.

So the concept of "choice" exists in that we are, theoretically, confronted with many options every minute of every day. But we never actually practice "choice" because all of our actions are but reactions. In otherwords, everything is predetermined by, for lack of a better word, fate.

So why try? If everything is predetermined, then my failures, my circumstances are but a result of fate. Responsibility and accountability are no longer in the individual's domain. This course of thinking, if adopted by even a few can be dangerous. Already we are seeing cases in criminal law (alright, I saw it on Law & Order) where the Defence argues that we are all victims of circumstance. A poor upbringing, a tragic occurrence, and preconceptions imposed by society are all grounds for dismissal of blame.

While I would agree that the consignment of blame should not fall on any single person, neither should it fall on the "system" itself, as if it were a separate entity from its parts (people). I would also argue that the responsibility for actions are not equally spread out among the parts. Accountability is not equal, it falls more heavily on some than others, and justifiably so. But people must still be held somewhat accountable for there actions, if only to maintain a healthy functioning society.

Thus, while this take on predeterminism makes sense to me, I nevertheless believe in free will. I "choose" to believe in choice as even if free will does not truly exist, by believing in it, one can create a state of "virtual free will", serving the purpose of injecting responsibility, accountability, and a sense of accomplishment into life. Creating a sense of "self" for individual cogs in a complex automaton of life.

Let's just end this here before I go off on a tangent on self and reality and what little I know of Descartes' "A Discourse on the Method".

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Harmatia

Hamartia: That quality in excess--perhaps even a virtue--that brings about the fall of the protagonist. Often used in context of Greek tragedies and translated as "tragic flaw".

What's your tragic flaw? Does it really matter? As a critical tool, defining the tragic flaw can be a helpful and interesting endevour. However, in real life, I maintain that people fail (yes, fail) as a result of a complex set of factors, not as a result of any single character trait.

If I were a character in a Greek tragedy, what would my flaw be? Let's call it a propensity for prolonged states of nondiscrimination.

In otherwords, indecision.

My English prof would probably argue that the meaning of the term hamartia as discussed by Aristotle in Poetics isn't really captured in the simplistic translation of "tragic flaw". The more literal translation of "miscalculation" or "missing the mark" is actually more accurate as hamartia can be seen as an incident of the plot or circumstance rather than of a particular person.

But I've long given up any aspirations of pursuing a literary degree, so let's forget that I said anything on this subject.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

I'm a big kid now!

I'm a one-way sponge.

Wait... wouldn't that be a diaper?

Yes, I'm a friggin' diaper.

Although I'm happy that people feel as if they can confide in me, I seldom return the gesture to the same degree. It's not that I do not want to share, because I really do, but for some reason I keep all this crap sealed up within my being. Commitment and emotional intimacy problems abound, what it all boils down to is that I'm a coward. I've gone to such ends and pushed so many people away mearly to avoid... what? Embarassment? Disappointment? Heartbreak? No, just to avoid the unknown. No, that's not quite accurate. I think it's more to avoid dealing with the unknown. It's not the uncertainty that I'm afraid of, as much as it is the trails I associate with adaptation and change in the face of uncertainty. Who was it that said courage is not the absence of fear, but the will to act in the presence of fear? I am not a courageous person. Deep down I'm a timid, weak, fearful piece of shit. I'm not a diaper, I'm the fucking shit that stains the diaper. I'm the retarded little kid that never attends sleep-overs because he'll be covered in his own shit by sunrise.

I'm a big kid look what I can do, I can wear big kid pants too...

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Vegas log book ... part 3

From this point on I stored a bunch of voice notes on my phone instead of scribbling them on pieces of paper. It wasn't until I got back that I realized only half of them were saved since I ran out of memory on my phone. Oh well, here goes:

  • Dec 27
    • 4:36am: Why the hell are you awake and talking to me?
    • 10:02am: WTF? I have to pay for the fitness centre? And there's no mini-fridge in my room! I guess that does make a sort of evil business sense... they want everybody to spend time on the casino floor.
    • 10:51am: The inside of the pyramid part of the Luxor is pretty sweet. I like all the detail on the walls... although the giant Christmas wreathes, although festive, seem a little out of place.
    • 11:15am: "The Hotel" @Mandalay Bay. Very modern, very posh... classy. Stands out from the cheap themes I've seen thus far, although it does make me feel a little underdressed
    • 11:39am: Daaaaaammmmnnn.... waitresses on the Mandalay casino floor don't wear low-low skirts, it's like they where no skirts at all! What happened to all the class? I'm not complaining about all the ass.
    • (out of memory on my phone)
    • I remember being ready to puke after another binge at the Sahara's all-you-can-eat buffet. The look on that smug server's face was worth it, though.
    • I remember being disappointed with the Ballagio's washrooms. "You expect me to manually use the toilet seat covers?"
    • I remember attending a few free shows. Nothing overly spectacular... Cirque, Copperfield, and Seinfeld were all in town, but what's a poor Canadian boy to do?
    • Hit the tables! Down $40 by end of the night (didn't brake even, not even once)
  • Dec 28
    • 10:01am: Thanks to the bus-boy for the directions. I would have tipped you, but... you see... I'm a cheap bastard.
    • 10:44am: I like how the busses have a ticker that displays the current date and time when the "next stop" line hasn't been pulled.
    • 11:28am: The Nintendo DS is out of stock EVERYWHERE! I want my friggin' DS... for a cheap American price (Go, go exchange rate and low American taxes)
    • 11:40am: If you don't have a product in stock, you shouldn't have a row of boxes out as if you did. That's just mean!
    • 11:41am: You heard me. You suck, Gamestop!
    • 12:10am: Chaos on the bus! You go, girl! Stick it to da man!
    • (out of memory on my phone)
    • I remember lots of Krispy Kreme donuts
    • I remember losing big at the tables this night
    • I remember having fun in Georgia
    • I remember thinking Vegas looks alot better with your beer glasses on

  • Didn't take any notes for the rest of the trip, but basically it was filled with more all-you-can-eat buffets, free shows, and painfully long walks (thank the Lord for outdoor escalators).
  • On a semi-related note: Don't bother with the "non-smoking" tables, you're going to smoke second-hand anyways, and "Elf" is a surprisingly funny movie.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Vegas log book ... part 2

Alright, I scribbled down some of my observations during my time in Vegas, which I'll transcribe here.

  • Dec 26 - Morning
    • It's too early... who's idea was it to get on a flight that leaves at 8am?
    • LAX sucks
      • Especially their shuttle service
      • There are lots of black people employed at LAX (not related to the "sucks" comment)
      • Lineups to go through the metal detector I do understand. Why I got sent to the LONG line I don't (related to the "sucks" comment)
    • Just my luck, the hot chick sitting next to me is on her honeymoon... so in order to sit next to her hubby, she trades her seat with this big fat guy.
    • 1st thing I see when I get off the plane in Vegas... slot machines in the airport. NICE!
    • $7 for a BK meal? Seven AMERICAN dollars?!
    • Note to cab driver: If I pretend like I'm asleep, DON'T TALK TO ME!
    • First impression upon seeing the strip: "Sin City? More like cheap, gaudy city"
    • First impression upon seeing room at the Excalibur: "... are you sure?"
    • Escalators outside?! The dream has come true!
    • Damn, porn ads ARE being handed out and shown EVERYWHERE... getting closer to Sin City, but still not quite
    • Note to cab driver 2: Thanks for the buffet tip. Although I think I'm going to gain 10 pounds in 5 days
    • OMG... I'm going to throw up. (after a binge at the Boardwalk's all-you-can-eat buffet)
    • Oooh... The McD's arch is decked out in rhinestones. Sparkly!
    • Treasure Island didn't look that far... but it's fucking far!
      • Stupid huge hotels distorting my sence of distance

  • Dec 26 - Night
    • The Strip looks a hell of a lot better at night
    • Ballagio has a cool light/water show
    • Oooh... the hydrants are silver!
      • Wait... no they're not, they're yellow. It was just the light playing tricks on me. I'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED!
    • The Bat Signal! Holy inflated prices, Batman! (the Luxor emits a spotlight from atop it's pyramid)
    • (blink)... all those palm trees are REAL?!
    • Started with $100, end with $160 (at one point had over $200).
So that's basically the thoughts that went through my head the first day. I'll continue this later.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Vegas log book

Some people have asked for stories from my recent trip to Vegas. To them I say the stories aren't all that important because "since I was in another country, it doesn't count".

Let me make an attempt to explain the rationalisation behind this line of thinking, popularized by Friends (incidentally, the "Joey" spinoff blows... hard. They should have done a show based on Gunther :) ).

  1. Travelling to another country typically involves crossing time zones.

  2. When crossing a time zone, your sleep schedule is thrown off and adaptation must ensue.

  3. Adaptation implies change

  4. Change is difficult for the sleep deprived (and we all are sleep deprived)

  5. The choices you make in this state can fall in one of two categories, poor decisions in efforts help you adapt and... poor decisions in general

  6. Thus, decisions made when in a different time zone are inherently poor, not by the fault of the person, but more as a result of the circumstances

  7. Ergo, when you're in another timezone, it doesn't count
Wait... Vancouver and Las Vegas are in the same time zone? There goes that excuse...

Different time zone (poor judgement) + Beer (poor judgement +) + Hot Georgia chick (poor judgement ++) = HOTT!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

The wee hours of the night

Hypothesis: The hours of 3am to 4am do not exist.

Ever wake up to your alarm and think that it can't possibly be right? Or pull an all nighter and find that there just aren't enough hours in the night? Or party all night and be surprised when it's all over so soon?

If you have, that's because you have lost 1 hour of sleep each night. Through careful observation, I have determined that clocks are set to cycle every 23 hours instead of 24 which, after prolonged exposure, has created a sleep-deprived population, ripe for global domination. Now I'm not one to shout conspiracy, but...

"CONSPIRACY"!

Q: But if we lose 1 hour a day, wouldn't we reach a point where 12 noon is the middle of the night? Why then is it always sunny at this time?"

A: By the time you're 5 years old, you've already lost about 3 straight months worth of sleep. This sleep loss is exasperated over time and after so much lost sleep, can you really trust your senses?

Q: But there are night watchmen, people who's very livelihoods revolve around being awake and aware throughout the wee hours of the night; surely they would notice if the clocks lose an hour per night, right?"

A: Need I say it again? CONSPIRACY! Night watchmen lull the populace to sleep under a false sense of security. They also keep a vigil to make sure nobody is the wiser. Besides, night watchmen profit by being paid for an hour's worth of work that they don't have to do (since that hour doesn't really exist). That's a sweet deal, why would they screw themselves over.

It's an elaborate web of deceit expertly spun by watchmakers, night watchmen, and late night infomercial producers.

Q: Infomercial producers?

A: The watchmakers tamper with our clocks, the night watchmen lull the populace to sleep under a false sense of security as well as keep a vigil to make sure nobody is the wiser, and late night infomercials sap the coherent thought out of anybody else who may be awake during the "lost hours".

Q: What about Starbucks and all those other mega-corporations that thrive off of sales of coffee? Where do they fit in?

A: They are fighting the good fight against our evil clock-making oppressors. That there are people who would condemn Starbucks as an evil conglomerate is evidence of the ill-effects of sleep depravity.

--

Bottom line: After my trip to Las Vegas, I need more sleep.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Culture Club

I'm missing me some hockey... bad.

I didn't even realise it that much until I saw a replay of the classic 1994 Canucks VS Flames game 7 playoff game on TSN the other day. Seeing the Bure, Ronning, McLean, and even Babych and Momesso all wearing those ugly jerseys (although they are better than the horrid hallowe'en ones) almost brought a tear to my eye and made me aware of an emptyness inside.

I tuned in halfway through the third and was under the impression that TSN was showing the game in it's entirety. As the period came to a close, I went to the kitchen to fix a snack, fully expecting another 20 minutes of play before the climactic second overtime period began. A few minutes later, a cry from the television alerted me to the fact that TSN had decided to skip showing the first overtime period and jump straight to the second.

That's right, I missed both "The Save" and "The Goal". Why must the hockey gods mock me!

I linked to the play-by-play, but they're real media audio files. Sorry about that. But if you're like me and don't want to download realplayer you can still use Real Alternative to listen to them and relive the moment.

Words are few I have spoken
I could waste a thousand years
Wrapped in sorrow words are token
Come inside and catch my tears
Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?
Do you really want to hurt me? (click me)

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Deadlines, schmeadlines.

So I just barely missed the deadline to apply to a Telus leadership development program; it would have been a 36 month internship with part of their management team.

The kicker is that my application was completed well in advance, and the written part was quite well done, if I do say so myself. I had even worked in a couple of quotes on leadership.

"A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader inspires them with confidence in themselves." -- Unknown

"... the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers." -- Ralph Nader

I'm kind of iffy on the effectiveness of them (especially the Nader quote), but they were great in organising my thoughts on "What leadership means to me".

The only thing I didn't do was click on the "submit" button; I figured I had enough time to go over it all before I submitted it. Then my brother enters the room and starts watching "Moulin Rouge" and "Punch Drunk Love", and naturally I get distracted. Two minutes before the 9pm deadline, I hurriedly rush back to my laptop and click the "submit" button only be confronted by a message stating that I had been timed out of Telus' system due to inactivity. By the time I logged back in and filled out the application, it was too late.

Oh the cacophony of emotions that played inside my head these last few hours!

  • It's Toonie Tuesday (good!)
  • They're out of dark meat (bad)
  • I sweet talked the cashier to acquire some from one of the delivery orders (good!)
  • I missed the Telus deadline (bad)
  • Moulin Rouge is entertaining in a psychotically flamboyant fashion (good!)
  • The Moulin Rouge DVD was scratched and would only play half the movie (bad)
  • The Punch Drunk Love video played perfectly (good/bad... see below)
  • Punch Drunk Love is pretty boring (bad)
I actually didn't mind Punch Drunk Love, but I couldn't concentrate on it; I was too busy lamenting the fact that I ran out of hot sauce for my chicken.

What's this about a job, now?

My hindsight is 20/80

Ever regret something so badly that it eats away at you for days on end? Ever experience regret's ravenous maw leaving a deep, infectious hole in your chest that threatens to devour your whole being?

Yeah, me neither.

At least, not really. That sinking feeling in my chest these last few days? Part regret, part self deprecation, and maybe even a little bit of indigestion.

Was I just playing it safe - as I keep telling myself - or was I really afraid of failure? Either way, that ship set sail without me.

Hindsight is 20/20, they say. I deign to disagree. Hindsight is a result of a funny mixture of memory and analysis. Take into account that people's memories are prone to failure and inaccuracies; eye-witness testimony is woefully unreliable. Also, people generally don't make choices logically; we tend to rely more on intuition and gut feelings than facts and information (there's that redundancy again). We make swooping generalizations and then irresponsibly apply them to very specific and diverse situations. Given all this, how clear and exact can our hindsight truly be? It's not like you can get prescription glasses for your hindsight.

The choices we make are always subject to scrutiny at a later date. I believe that "we should have done" garners too much thought when compared to "we have done". Or rather, the fact that we have choices is often overlooked, making us feel trapped and helpless when we shouldn't. But I'll leave that subject for another day.

Touching back on that sinking feeling for a minute, it's strange how no other ships have even come close to effecting me like this one, and I've been on the Titanic.

I'm sure I'll hear the sea calling again sooner or later. I hope for your happiness; if you're still not at that point, always remember that you have choices.

"Tap on my window, knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful" -- She Will be Loved, Maroon 5