[Rant] The 7 Habits of Highly Effective CSR's (or, "Would you like some bread sticks, too?")

Is it too much to ask for people not to half-ass their jobs?

When ordering a pizza, I've become annoyed with the CSR's too such a point where I'm sure there are nasty comments on my file. Call me crazy if it's not reasonable to expect a modicum of competency from people who's sole job is to answer the fucking phone.

In the past, I worked at a Pizza chain's call centre for three years. I heard it all; the horror stories CSR's have to tell about customers are endless and, sadly, mostly true. However, it goes both ways. While you can get a bad customer, there are also lots of poor CSR's out there.

Here's a few tips on how to be a decent CSR and not have customers bitching at you.

1) Don't answer the phone as if it's a terrible inconvenience.

Pardon me if I interrupted your reading time or your card game with the CSR next to you. Your job is to take calls, dingus. Your supervisor (should) have told you, "You can hear a smile through a phone," and believe it or not, it's not just corporate bullshit, it's true. Speech tones are infectious, so if you sound nice and helpful, chances are the customer on the other end will try to do the same. (Hmm... on that note, maybe I shouldn't have called you a dingus.)

2) LISTEN to what the customer on the line says.

If I ask what specials you have tonight, I don't want to have to give you my phone number and address before you answer my question. I understand that the order taking system you use may require that information before actually placing the order, but that's no reason for not being able to answer simple questions that have nothing to do with delivery time or price.

Also, if I order a pizza with capicollo and sun-dried tomatoes, that's what I want. If I end up getting a pizza with capicollo and diced tomatoes, I'm not a happy customer.

3) Know what you're talking about

If I ask you what size your large pizza is, your next sentence shouldn't start with "I think..." and it sure as hell better not have a "maybe" in it. While thinking is fine, guessing is not. If you don't know it off the top of your head, a simple "If you give me a moment I can find out," (with the intention of following through on it) can do wonders. "It depends," accompanied by a (mandatory) quantifying phrase is also acceptable.

4) Don't leave me in the dark

If it's going to take a minute or two to find the information to answer my question or process my order, tell me.

If you're going to put me on hold for over 5 minutes, tell me.

If there's a way to make things go smoother for both you and me, tell me.

If your quoted price doesn't include delivery, taxes, or other charges, tell me.

If you're going to call me back, tell me. Especially if the order won't go through until you get back in touch with me. It may be another number you need to dial to reach me, or the party/game/music may be too loud to hear the phone unless I'm expecting it.

Related to this, we have the fifth item...

5) Don't pass the buck

If you don't tell me that you're going to call me back, and you can't reach me because I turned off my phone or some other such business, who's fault is that? Any CSR worth her/his salt would not say it's the customer's. Did you tell me you were going to call back? Did you confirm the phone number? And when did the 30 minutes or less timer start? Common sense would indicate that, unless indicated otherwise, it starts exactly the moment you said it. Not 2 minutes after the call back confirmation.

And if I call back to complain about this or anything else, don't imply that it's my fault, don't say it's some other CSR, or the because of the computer. Just make strides to fix my problem. Chances are, I'm more interested in a resolution than playing the blame game.

6 & 7) Do your fucking job

It's your gad-damned job. You voluntarily applied for this job. Please, have some self-respect, pride, and common sense to do your job well. If not for my benefit or the benefit of the customers, then for yourself. It can make customers more helpful and your job easier. A good recommendation and employment history can result as well.

And if not to better yourself, then do the above to spite all those idiot customers you're bound to get. If I never hear somebody ask the price for a 2 topping pizza, then order a 4 topping specialty pizza and complain why it's more expensive than the price I quoted, it'll be too soon.

Or people trying to redeem coupons that they don't really have.

Or customers who think they're so smart and knowledgeable about the system.

God, customers piss me off.

(I'm aware of the irony!)

Grow RPG

Grow was a Flash puzzle game I stumbled upon a while ago. The basic premise is to keep adding gadgets to a ball for it to continually grow and evolve. Certain gadgets have more growth phases than others, and certain growth phases have prerequisites, so using a little bit of grey matter and a lot of trial and error, you have to find the precise order that will evolve the ball into it's complete form.

Confusing? Just give it a try, you'll understand.

But the reason I mention it is that the maker has made a semi-sequal titled Grow RPG. Same premise, different animations and objects, but still amazingly addictive. Maybe even more so than the original.



Figuring the right order is all of the fun, so try not to spoil yourselves by Googling the solution. If you want a bit of a hint, I've taken screen shots of the end solution for both games:

Grow end shot
Grow RPG end shot

Edit: Fixed up unfinished thoughts and half-completed sentences. I used to be able to write coherently on the first try, I swear!

Milky Way : Home Galaxy for the Hopelessly Addicted BBS'er

Press ESC twice to blast off to the Milkyway...

If you were in Greater Vancouver and a fellow BBS'er in the 90's, this phrase should bring up memories; it was the load screen for arguably the most popular local BBS at the time, The Milky Way. I spent a good chunk of the mid to late nineties playing LORD, that Lemonade Stand game, and posting away in the message boards. While I went under many guises, Padishar was the handle most people knew me as.

It made highschool a little more fun and added a little diversity into the mix, allowing me to meet many cool local people in the pre-internet boom era. Milky Way was probably also the main factor in my leaning towards computers and technology and away from soccer and sports. Good or bad? Well, while I claim to be half-decent at soccer (Junior Boys MVP, baby!) I doubt I could have made a career out of it.

The reason for this nostalgia is that the sysop of my once favourite BBS recently passed away. Should I mourn? Should I grieve? Would it be insincere to do so for somebody you barely knew? Instead I will choose to remember the joys that you made possible. Well wishes, Pdk. I hope you knew what joy your BBS and actions brought to many lives.

Gary Golf strikes again!

I was doing some cleaning when I happened upon my copy of SimGolf. I remembered loving this game way back when, so I decided to reinstall it for nostalgia's sake.

Now I remember why I uninstalled it.

This game has taken over my life.



Damn you Sid Meier! At the end of last year it was your remake of Pirates! that had me consumed. Let's just be glad I didn't pull out that other classic Sid Meier game I have in my closet, namely Alpha Centauri. I'd never see sunlight ever again. (never got into the Civilization series, but Alpha Centauri was pure turn-based heroin as far as I'm concerned)

SimGolf NEEDS a sequel. It DEMANDS a sequel. Or at the very least, a remake in the vein of Pirates!

Alright, now that I've gotten that off my chest, it's back to boozing and schmoozing I.M. Picky and Ivanna Richman. Gotta keep expanding my golf course and buy that snazzy airport!

(Somebody... for the love of all that is holy, help me kick this habit!)

Better late than never

I compiled all my Europe trip related bloggings here. I told some people that I would be doing this as well as annotating them with the appropriate pictures and comments... but what can I say. Look at the title of this blog!

I also added an RSS link to the right for those that are interested in such things and didn't know where to find it. I know I told some people that I was planning some significant changes in design and layout, but I think this is the extent of it for the near future. Once again, I refer you to the title of this blog.

Maybe I'll get around to all that extraneous stuff some other time.

Maybe.

Pot Committed

I'm all in. How about you?

A shiver races down his spine. While he likes how things have gone thus far, being forced to show his hand is giving him second thoughts. "Is she bluffling?" he wonders. "What if what I've got isn't strong enough to last?" He doesn't want to make the bet, and yet he's already pot committed. He has to go all in... doesn't he? He looks in her eye as the words stumble from his mouth:

I'm out.

What a doofus. Be a man. Do the right thing!

Street Fighter Salsa

Ever wonder if Ryu and Chun Li of Street Fighter fame ever got together? And if they did, ever wonder if they would take up salsa dancing? Well, wonder no more.

Just bike the stick to the east. Uhh... I mean, click on the link below.

Link (11 MB)

I'm BATMAN! (updated)

You must see Batman Begins. Now. Seriously, get off your ass and watch it. If you've already seen it, go see it again. It's that damn good.

• Best superhero movie I've ever seen? Yes.
• Best action movie I've seen in years? Yes.
• Best damned movie I've seen in years? Hell yes!

For all the people who looked at me weird when I said the first Spiderman wasn't a great movie, Batman Begins is what every superhero movie should aspire to be. This wasn't an action movie that happened to have Batman in it; this was The Batman movie. Also, this was the first movie since the original Matrix that made me want to grab the person next to me and exclaim, "This is fucking awesome!" but wasn't able to because I was too engrossed in the awesomeness of said movie. (Hope I didn't just jinx the franchise)

Christian Bale is such an awesome Batman (giving Keaton a run for his money), and by far the best Bruce Wayne of all the movie incarnations.

Johnny Depp was an amazing Scarecrow (although like Kevin Spacey, I have a genetic bias to love anything the man does on film); Liam Neeson was awesome (as expected) as Ducard, and Michael Caine as Alfred was almost too perfect.

(update: Thanks, Kare, for pointing out it's actually Cillian Murphy, not Johnny Depp in the role of Scarecrow. But I'll be damned if I'm the only one who thinks they could be twins)

I was, however, disappointed with Ken Watanabe's role as Ra's Al Gul. No major spoilers here, but I was hoping he'd get more screen time than he did.

The fight scenes, although jerky, I thought were great for their purpose. The quick cuts styling lent weight to the whole fear/chaos concept, although I wish the Batman/Ra's Al Gul fight scene near the end should have been filmed smoother and with the camera pulled back a bit as to showcase their mastery over their own fears. But maybe I was reading too much into the fight scene cinematography.

Biggest thing that irked me concerned the Batman / Rachel (Katie Holmes) dynamic. And no, it wasn't Katie Holmes' acting (although she was terribly outclasses by most everybody else). My beef had to do with one action Batman took that seemed against his believes. I did, however, like how their relationship was resolved in the end. Again, no big spoilers, just go see the movie for yourself.

The only other small quirk I had about the movie is that the Batmobile wasn't as cool looking. Although I can forgive it since the tank fit so well into the ethos and storytelling of the movie.

Bottom line? I loved this movie. And that's not a word I throw around lightly.




Oh, and the sequel better have a proper looking Batmobile.

There's always room to haggle

For anybody interested in a subscription to the Vancouver Sun, I just got the phone callers to drop their quoted rate to $9.99 / month which includes the Vancouver Sun and access to their pay online services.

Here's how it went down:

Dude calls me up and offers a promotional rate of $17 a month. I said no; the student rate I paid before was alot cheaper.

He then offered to match the price he had on file, $14/month, with the ability to freeze the rate at this price for as long as I continue the subscription. I still said no. There was a reason I dropped the subscription before at that price point.

As a last resort, he offered a price of $9.99/month which included access to their pay online services, also with the ability to freeze this rate for as long as I continue to subscription. While vaguely tempting, I still said no.

Now the person I talked to claimed he was one of the supervisors and so had the power to authorize these discounts. He also said that these prices are strictly only available with outbound calls (they call you, not you call them).

So keep the $9.99 price in mind if somebody from the Sun calls and you have an interest in receiving a newspaper instead of getting all your information through other means.

--

I suppose the lesson is that there's always room to haggle, especially for services. Just don't be a jerk about it; nobody likes to give a jerk a free ride. A few other situations where I was able to receive a lower price come to mind:

• Buying golf clubs? I got Riverside golf to give me what worked out to be about a 20% discount when I bought a set of clubs for Christmas. Granted, they were used clubs, so that may have made a difference.
  
  
• Going to the orchestra? When I was in Vienna I bought some tickets to the orchestra from a street vendor. Convinced him to throw in a free drink (wrote a note on the back of the ticket and signed it).
  
  
• Switching phone providers? When I left Fido some years ago, they offered to give me 2 months on my current plan for free as well as a new cell phone. I stayed with Fido for another 2 months before I switched to Rogers.

Johnson must bike this box.

After I biked this box, I was biking for seven hours. It's a purple stick! Purple I bike! Purple!

(Bike on the stick to the east.)

Stick

Polish girls and big butts (updated)

Apparently, if you put in:

poland girls americans

into Yahoo!, my blog is the first entry that appears.

If you put in:

"i like big butts and I cannot lie" +cd

into AltaVista, my blog is the second entry.

Is this representative of how people see me? Nothing on my mind other than Polish girls and big butts?

...

Okay, you got me there.


update: I'm also in the top 15 results in Yahoo! when you type in:

siofok and nude

Damn, the internet has disected the inner workings of my mind in horrifyingly accurate fashion.

Independent World Television

A friend recently pointed this out to me.

Regular cable subscribers don't get Fox News here in Canada, (although that may soon change) but with issues of corporate and political bias in media even in Canada (with CanWest Global's virtual monopoly) and the proported lack of investigative journalism in today's news coverage, this just may be what the doctor ordered.

http://www.iwtnews.com/birthofanetwork

Some info straight from their website:

The Problem

Serious news and full-spectrum debate -- on which democracy depends -- are disappearing from television. Across the globe, news media are concentrated in the hands of a few entertainment conglomerates whose interests determine news coverage. They promote superficial "infotainment" over tough investigation, context and holding authority accountable. Public broadcasters face shrinking budgets and growing political and commercial pressures.

The Solution

We need a news and current affairs network that defends the public interest and the highest standards of journalism. Independent World Television will be such a network, a non-profit broadcast service financed by viewers across the globe -- independent of corporate or government funding and commercial advertising.

I like the concept behind this, but it's much too early to tell if they'll be able to deliver on their promises. Something about the teaser video strikes me a little... off. I think it's mostly the editing and some of the visuals they decided to show. I hope it doesn't end up being a left-wing propaganda machine to counteract a right-wing bias perceived in other media.

Perhaps I'm being too cinical. I've browsed the site a bit and they do seem genuine and able to pull it off with the clout and credibility of the media personalities associated with it.

Time will tell. If nothing else, I hope it takes off as an example of community funded movement.

[What if] Changes

Everything changes

Everything? You've heard the cliches: The times have changed. Things change. People change. But does everything really change? What about the laws of physics? Will Heisenburg be able to one day not resent knowing the exact momentum of his car keys? (Quantum physics joke. See: Heisengburg's uncertainty principal)

What if the laws of physics, which form the very structure of our existence, are not constant but are changing over time? What would this mean? What once was deemed impossible, now is in the realm of possibility. On the flip side, things that were possible in the past may not be anymore.

What if these changes happened extremely rapidly? Instead of slight changes over millenia, what is possible changes daily. A tantalizingly chaotic world where each new day really is filled with unlimited possibilities.

Leap tall buildings in a single bound? Sure, why not?

Dance on rays of sunlight? Did it yesterday.

Walk through a wormhole to the other side of the galaxy? Maybe tomorrow.

A few years ago, I might have ran with this idea and develop it into a short story or essay of some kind. Today, I'll just blog it and file it in my mind under "pointless time waster" along with my plans of a pilot for a Friends spin-off based on Gunther (which they should have done originally instead of a Joey spin-off.)

You're missing the point

It's just like that, don't worry about it.

You don't have to worry about it, but if you see a deficiency or vulnerability, you should at least try to address it.

Of course, while inertia is nothing to rave about, neither is making assumptions.

Oh, and people should take their own advice, too.