Moving On Up

As of 5 minutes ago the following points have been decided:

1. Will quit my current job (the world's local bank)
   
2. Will work a new job as Business Consultant (big blue)
   
3. Will be packing my bags for the T dot (damn you Shawn Desmond!)
   

Well, I'll just be in Toronto for a week for training. But if I say it like that, there's not as much dramatic tension.

And we all know I'm all about the drama.

I haven't seriously doodled since highschool

(Click the pictures for a larger image)

update: 1:19am - added links for absurdly ginormous sketches that nobody in their right mind should want to download.

I don't watch TV anymore, I just have it on the background while I doodle:


Ceramic figure (while watching Veronica Mars)
Ginormous sketch (ceramic figure)


Me and the brother. Vancouver 1983. (also while watching Veronica Mars)
Ginormous sketch (Bruce @ 1 year old)

I don't work either. I just sketch:


Sympathetic figure on the donation can on my counter at work.
Ginormous sketch (Child donation mascot)

(Don't have the can on me so can't do a comparison pic. I'll try to snap a picture next time I'm at work)

(That number in the corner? Part of one of the many bank account numbers and other data I have to jot down throughout the day. Why there's no copy-paste function in the software is beyond me.)


Picture in the HSBC Mastercard application pamphlet. (My favourite of the bunch)
Ginormous sketch (Child & Mother)


Another picture in the HSBC Mastercard application pamphlet. (The most popular of the bunch among people who've seen my recent sketches)
Ginormous sketch (Bridge)


And yet another picture in the HSBC Mastercard application pamphlet.
Ginormous sketch (Island)

A wet sack of crazy!

Do people change? Sure. But not very quickly. At least, real change deep down doesn't happen overnight. Superficial change happens all the time.

It's like trying to dye an onion.

Sure, you can change the surface colour easy enough, but peel back a layer and you see the change was only surface deep. Changing the whole takes a considerable amount of time. When talking of people, I imagine we're talking years.

If you want to change your life, you have to change both inside and out. Change how you think, and change how you act. The key here being the ability to change how you think, not just what you think.

What I think changes all the time. Sometimes it only takes a second. Changing how I think, I imagine, would be a much more profound and life-altering endevour.

(Which begs the question of why you would want your life altered... but that's a whole other jar of nutella.)

If you've always been a heavy thinker, try being more spontaneous. If you've always been quick to act, try being quick to think instead. I've always been a (hypocritical) advocate of change, as I believe there is so much more to learn and experience from new situations compared to old situations slightly altered.

10 years of experience is vastly different from 1 year 10 times over.

In my case, I have always been self-consious of how others think. Now I say fuck it. You suck and I won't care anymore.

I will be the second biggest wet sack of crazy you've ever seen.

The year in review

Test post follows...

"You need to re-evaluate your priorities."

Ironically, this statement has an underlying assumption that you had, at one point, evaulated your priorities in the first place.

Popular wisdom dictates that residing at the top of your priorities list should be your family, your career, and your future; not necessarily in that order. Of course your "future" generally consists of your family and your career. What happened to your dreams? Your desires, your wants, your drive?

My dreams always consisted of me being overwhelmed by an unrelenting horde of spiders. Make of that what you will.

-- First blog post. November 16, 2004

It's recently come to my attention that this blog has recently passed the one year mark with neither fanfare nor introspection.

So the year in review:

Word of the year? Transition.

I realize that I'm in a transitionary phase of my life right now in all aspects. From social relationships, to academics, to careers, to beliefs. In all these respects, I've witnessed an ending of sorts in the last year. In all these respects, I am witnessing hints of new beginnings.

But part of me realises that it's not really a new beginning. It's just a transition. Meaning it's the same, yet different. If it sounds like I'm being vague, that's because I am. Let's see if I'm going somewhere with this.

A new beginning would imply that there had been nothing prior to that point, or at least, nothing pertinent. A fresh start, if you will. But events DID happen before, and to ignore or dismiss them would be foolish. Instead, what you do is continuously build upon them. The transition phase comes into play when you change your building pattern.

Clear as mud? I'm afraid that's as good as it's going to get at this point.

I'm still in transition.

--Transition--

I had existed in complacency for a while. This summer I shook things up a little with various flights, fancies, and flops. I've never felt so wonderful yet miserable at the same time.

I have been unknowingly forming the mold from which to shape my next phase in life. That is a scary thought because as time passes, it grows more difficult to break out of the mold. I want to know what kind of mold I'm creating before I step into it.

-- Transition --

For a while, I lived for others. I had a sense of purpose, but was miserable.

For a while, I lived for myself. I had fun, but found this reckless abandonment of accountability and responsibility to be unfullfilling.

For a while, I tried to live with a balance. Respect for both myself and others. I just got confused and unproductive.

Now, I realize there are other ways to live. Other choices to be made. It's not an either-or world we live in. The current limit on our choices is our imagination.

Mine seems to be fizzing out.

-- Transition --

Of all my bloggings, very few are written with the intention of another person reading it. Well... that's not really true. Let me put it another way. Very few were written with the intention that another person will fully understand it.

In fact, a lot of the time I don't even fully understand it.

edit: I'm just a big ol' wet sack, aren't I? A wet sack of crazy! Wackawackawackawacka

The week in review

Saturday - promises
Made a promise.

Promises. There are two phrases that I am very careful about using. Their meanings are very specific to me and carry a lot of baggage with them. One of these phrases is "I promise you".

I don't make promises lightly and when I do, it is with the full intension to keep them. I'm just forgetful sometimes, is all.

Sunday - marriage
Got away from the kids and spent some time with the wife. Oh those triplets, love them to death, but they'll be the death of me.

Ever commit to something, then when the time comes you say "Oh HELL no!" Yeah, it happens.

And congrats to the lucky couple. Apparently "marriage" is the word of the day.

Monday - drinking pains
Busy at work when when all of a sudden at 1:10pm, "Oww... wtf is this? Oww!"

I only remember having this feeling one other time in my life. So whatever causes it must be very special. The thought then is that if it can cause inexorable pain, does it not possess the ability to do the opposite and cause the heart-bursting levels of joy?

It's a logical falacy. But I think I understand now.

Picked up the phone; decided to make the effort. Then figured the effort was too much and half-assed it.

And for the last time, no I was not drunk tonight... well, I had a nightcap, but that was later on.

Tuesday - wtf x 2
Finishing up a bowl of Bun Bo Hue at 5:55pm... it strikes again. An open window, the Art Institute of Seattle, The Ellen Degeneres Show... wtf is going on?!

Drinking only made it worse. Funny thing? I think I liked it when it got worse. At least it was something, you know?

Amazing cup of hot chocolate.

Wednesday - respect
You have none, yet demand it anyways.

I'm still young gorram it!

I'm beginning to wonder if I have any myself.

Thursday - growth
Free lift tickets at Grouse! Of course, it can't be that simple and they have to run out of both ski and snowboard boots in my size.

Wasn't all bad though. I found out that just like before, I'm still a sucker for a nice Aussie accent. The difference this time? I don't have the excuse of being in a different time zone.

Conversations. I still don't really understand it, but thanks for trying to explain it. I'm sure I'll get it someday. (Actually, I'm not so sure about that)

Took off the bandage. Instead of slapping another on and possibly creating a complication, let it go so that the wound can heal. I'm sure it'll leave a scar, but scars add character!

And so instead of giving in to tempations to regress, I made good on a promise; I picked up the phone.

Cheers

Making you way in the world today
takes everything you've got,
Taking a break from all your worries
sure would help a lot,
Wouldn't you like to get away?

Best TV show theme song in the world.

When I want to get away, where do I go? High up on the mountain tops to play in the snow.

Numbers

14
days until test results come in

9
days until job hunt progress is revealed / days since I made the decision... I think

4.95
dollars under my credit card limit for this month

2
opposing scenarios that I really don't have time for

1
time for your mind, two times if you're tense baby let it unwind

three counts let it bouce to da muthafucking ounce?