Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Deadlines, schmeadlines.

So I just barely missed the deadline to apply to a Telus leadership development program; it would have been a 36 month internship with part of their management team.

The kicker is that my application was completed well in advance, and the written part was quite well done, if I do say so myself. I had even worked in a couple of quotes on leadership.

"A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader inspires them with confidence in themselves." -- Unknown

"... the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers." -- Ralph Nader

I'm kind of iffy on the effectiveness of them (especially the Nader quote), but they were great in organising my thoughts on "What leadership means to me".

The only thing I didn't do was click on the "submit" button; I figured I had enough time to go over it all before I submitted it. Then my brother enters the room and starts watching "Moulin Rouge" and "Punch Drunk Love", and naturally I get distracted. Two minutes before the 9pm deadline, I hurriedly rush back to my laptop and click the "submit" button only be confronted by a message stating that I had been timed out of Telus' system due to inactivity. By the time I logged back in and filled out the application, it was too late.

Oh the cacophony of emotions that played inside my head these last few hours!

  • It's Toonie Tuesday (good!)
  • They're out of dark meat (bad)
  • I sweet talked the cashier to acquire some from one of the delivery orders (good!)
  • I missed the Telus deadline (bad)
  • Moulin Rouge is entertaining in a psychotically flamboyant fashion (good!)
  • The Moulin Rouge DVD was scratched and would only play half the movie (bad)
  • The Punch Drunk Love video played perfectly (good/bad... see below)
  • Punch Drunk Love is pretty boring (bad)
I actually didn't mind Punch Drunk Love, but I couldn't concentrate on it; I was too busy lamenting the fact that I ran out of hot sauce for my chicken.

What's this about a job, now?

My hindsight is 20/80

Ever regret something so badly that it eats away at you for days on end? Ever experience regret's ravenous maw leaving a deep, infectious hole in your chest that threatens to devour your whole being?

Yeah, me neither.

At least, not really. That sinking feeling in my chest these last few days? Part regret, part self deprecation, and maybe even a little bit of indigestion.

Was I just playing it safe - as I keep telling myself - or was I really afraid of failure? Either way, that ship set sail without me.

Hindsight is 20/20, they say. I deign to disagree. Hindsight is a result of a funny mixture of memory and analysis. Take into account that people's memories are prone to failure and inaccuracies; eye-witness testimony is woefully unreliable. Also, people generally don't make choices logically; we tend to rely more on intuition and gut feelings than facts and information (there's that redundancy again). We make swooping generalizations and then irresponsibly apply them to very specific and diverse situations. Given all this, how clear and exact can our hindsight truly be? It's not like you can get prescription glasses for your hindsight.

The choices we make are always subject to scrutiny at a later date. I believe that "we should have done" garners too much thought when compared to "we have done". Or rather, the fact that we have choices is often overlooked, making us feel trapped and helpless when we shouldn't. But I'll leave that subject for another day.

Touching back on that sinking feeling for a minute, it's strange how no other ships have even come close to effecting me like this one, and I've been on the Titanic.

I'm sure I'll hear the sea calling again sooner or later. I hope for your happiness; if you're still not at that point, always remember that you have choices.

"Tap on my window, knock on my door I want to make you feel beautiful" -- She Will be Loved, Maroon 5

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Sleep is for the weak!

zzz...

Friday, November 26, 2004

I'm a little teapot

Those who know me best know that it is rare for me to stress out as I tend to apathetically allow myself to ebb and flow to the events that surround my life. To them, I hope they can appreciate the many layers of depth (yes, I like being redundant; I believe it goes further to emphatically stress a point) in the following statement:

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Car Rocking

It's been awhile since I've driven myself around, having instead relied on the public limo service that came with my u-pass. I almost forgot how cathartic rocking out in my car could be.

As I left my house, The Beat was playing that Sir Mix-a-lot classic, Baby Got Back. Naturally I started drumming to the beat and singing along; after all, I like big butts and I cannot lie. I then popped one of my CD and started dancing to R Kelly's Home Alone and Wyclef's Gone 'till November (remix); dancing only when my car was stopped, of course. I'm not one to prmote reckless driving.

I was feeling pretty energenic until I got to school. I've been feeling rather lethargic lately and I think I've figured out why; staring at PDF documents is my kryptonite. While I figure I'd have a blast being Superman, taking on the role of mild-mannered reporter, Clark Kent? Spare me my eyes!

On my way home, I found an old Bon Jovi CD in the car and rocked out to Living on a Prayer and Someday I'll Be Saturday Night. It's been so long since I had given that CD a go, I almost forgot how much Bon Jovi rocks. While I like me some hip-hop to groove to, deep down I need my pop-rock/metal/punk; they're just more fun to sing to. Plus, they're generally more head-banging friendly :D

Ooh, now I'm wishing I had my Queen CD so I could rock out to a little Bohemian Rhapsody.

I haven't had enough chances to rock out or dance in my car lately. The weird stares from pedestrians, soccer moms with packed mini-vans, and tired businessmen in their volvos detracts a little from this activity, but everynow and then I meet eyes with a fellow car dancer across a red light. That's enough to bring a smile to my face for days.

Especially if she's hot.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Amazing(ly simple) Race

Just finished watching the first episode of The Amazing Race: Season 6 and I've peeved at how they've dumbed down the race and put more of a focus on the people rather than the race.

From the very get go, teams had to get to the airport and fly to Iceland; pretty standard fare, so far. However, before Phil even says "go", he points in the direction of the train they need to take to the airport and tells them of the three flights that they must choose from.

What happened to the days when all the teams would get is a destination and a wad of cash? The choke points were bad enough, but now the show doesn't just tell them where to go, it tells them HOW to get there. The "how" was what I found to be the most interesting; the journey, the discovery is what I enjoyed watching. But I guess this new format keeps teams closer together, artifically creating a heightened sence of suspence that presumably will be good for ratings.

And showcasing the relationships of the partners in each team? They're all disfunctional, I get that. That's why they're on the show in the first place.

Oh well, my Scotland-like memory has probably coloured my recolection of past seasons anyway.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Evaluating priorities

Test post follows...

"You need to re-evaluate your priorities."

Ironically, this statement has an underlying assumption that you had, at one point, evaulated your priorities in the first place.

Popular wisdom dictates that residing at the top of your priorities list should be your family, your career, and your future; not necessarily in that order. Of course your "future" generally consists of your family and your career. What happened to your dreams? Your desires, your wants, your drive?

My dreams always consisted of me being overwhelmed by an unrelenting horde of spiders. Make of that what you will.