Life Goes On

Other people's lives are continuing on while my own is still in disarray.

Why does that disturb me?

Is it the self-centred impulse that the world should revolve around me? Is it the disappointment that my friends and loved ones can't actually read my mind? Is it the tendency of misery loving company?

Maybe.

Or maybe what disturbs me is fear. Fear that one day soon I'll be just like them. One day soon my life will continue on. One day soon she'll be a distant memory.

One day soon I'll have all but forgotten her.

To be honest, I was close enough to forgetting about her when she was still around.

So maybe, as with all other things, it does comes back to the belief that, if not the world then at least my world, does revolve around me. And what truly disturbs is the belief that eventually, I will continue on.

Eventually, I will forget.

Eventually, I will disappoint myself.

And once again, I will disappoint her.

Photo of my mother's memorial service,
copyright Karen Hamilton of Tiny Bites

Dah bee dah (or "The Five Stages of Grief")

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross introduced her Five Stages of Grief model in 1969. I assume she is the girl who, while standing on her mama's porch, told Bryan Adams that "it would last for ever".

Having to memorize this model at some point in my life, the mnemonic I use is DABDA (pronounced "dah bee dah")

• Denial


• Anger


• Bargaining


• Depression


• Acceptance

As with most things I tend to skip steps. In this case, anger. Too bad, since suspect it's the most thrilling stage. After all, anger is a whole lot like being a sleeping lion in your bed. Or so I've heard.

Of course, the few times I've gone through the Anger stage I was also smiling like an idiot, which I liken to a starting revolutions from your bed type of anger.

KH says Bargaining is the most fun, but that's only true if you're the Bargain-ee and not the Bargain-er. She's on the right track though, as I always get more of a rise with duets.

And pop music in general, I suppose.


Playlist:
*******
Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams <-- couldn't find the acoustic live version
Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Eiffel 65
When Anger Shows (An End Has a Start) - Editors
Don't Look Back In Anger (Noel Gallagher Acoustic Collection version) - Oasis
My Eyes/On the Rise - Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog