Life Goes On

Other people's lives are continuing on while my own is still in disarray.

Why does that disturb me?

Is it the self-centred impulse that the world should revolve around me? Is it the disappointment that my friends and loved ones can't actually read my mind? Is it the tendency of misery loving company?

Maybe.

Or maybe what disturbs me is fear. Fear that one day soon I'll be just like them. One day soon my life will continue on. One day soon she'll be a distant memory.

One day soon I'll have all but forgotten her.

To be honest, I was close enough to forgetting about her when she was still around.

So maybe, as with all other things, it does comes back to the belief that, if not the world then at least my world, does revolve around me. And what truly disturbs is the belief that eventually, I will continue on.

Eventually, I will forget.

Eventually, I will disappoint myself.

And once again, I will disappoint her.

Photo of my mother's memorial service,
copyright Karen Hamilton of Tiny Bites