Faith

Ever notice that the only people that panic about a situation are the people that feel they have no control over the situation?

Seriously, calm the fuck down. I've got it covered.

Trust in the Bruce.

One, Two, Four!

faith
n.

i·ro·ny
n. pl. i·ro·nies

al·ley
n. pl. al·leys

un·der·stand

v. un·der·stood, un·der·stand·ing, un·der·stands

v.tr.

ja·lop·y
n. pl. ja·lop·ies Informal


nose
n.

Over, Under, Around, and Through

Ever wonder why most every* metaphor has to deal with sex? How you can imbue the most innocent phrase or gesture with erotic overtones? Err, undertones... overtones?

Overtone: An ulterior, usually implicit meaning or quality; an implication or a hint
Undertone: An underlying or implied tendency or meaning; an undercurrent

Over or under? I suppose I could swing either way...

Err, I mean my head is just so confused...

Shit, I mean...

Stupid tones, I'm like totally not gay.

*Yes, I still like to be redundant in speech

Hahahahahahaha

shazbot : (

It's a Violent Pornography

Got my ass rocked. Because I didn't want to crucify a co-worker, he fucking ass lances me in front of the client and higher ups.

Is Curb gonna have to choke a bitch?

Horcubee's totally a tease

Just check her flikr

I didn't spit in your soup...

... so don't step on my shoes.

Getting restless?

Maybe.

It's always fun when I am.

Not my analogy, but it'll suffice

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.

A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners and free pens and a certificate of completion for the rower.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.

The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was "out-sourced" to India ....

Arrr!

When I get married, here's how it's going to play out:

1. It's going to be on a boat.
2. It will be happening in the middle of a sword fight.
3. It will be Geoffrey Rush conducting the ceremony.

(Pirates 3 Spoilers!)


I may be willing to budge on (1) and (2), but damn if I don't love me some pirate Geoffrey Rush.

--

Pirates 3 mini review:

• First half of the movie didn't catch my fancy but the movie grew on me as it continued
  
• Johnny Depp was predictably unpredictably amazing
• I still don't like the Elizabeth Swan (Kiera Knightley) character
• Geoffrey Rush's Barbarossa grows more on me every time I see it
• I still don't like Orlando Bloom
• Bill Nighy's Davy Jones was fun
• I'm still disappointed whenever Chow Yun-Fat speaks English without kicking somebody's ass or making gambling look cool
  

Oh How I Hate Rogers Tech Support

(After being on hold for 43 minutes...)

Thank you for calling Rogers, how may I assist you?

I've lost my cell phone so I'd like to place a stop on all outgoing calls and forward all incoming calls to another number.

Sure Mr. Nguyen I can set that up for you.

Thanks, the number I'd like to forward calls to is...

Actually while I can set up call forwarding for you, you can also set it up yourself. I can give you the touch tone codes, all you have to do is enter these codes on to your cell phone.

(*Pause* is this girl an idjit?) Right, well I've lost my phone so can I set it up remotely from another phone?

No sir, it has to be your own cell phone.

(She is, she is an idjit) Okay... Well, since I don't my phone we can't really go down that route.

Alright sir, so would you like me to set up call forwarding or would you like to set it up yourself?

(*Pause* Deep breath, Bruce, take a deep breath) Yeah, if you could set it up, that would be great. Thanks. (Thinking: Am I talking to a real person or one of those automated voice systems?)

--

Don't get me started on the interactive voice recognition enabled telephone help desk.

Alright, let's give us one last try

It's been a torrid affair between the two of us.

The tantalizing build up as promises are made.
The long passionate nights as promises are held.
The inevitable blasé as promises are broken.

We've been through this cycle countless times now.

This is the last time; I swear it. If it doesn't work this time, it's not going to work ever. I'll accept that. I really will.

But I have to give it this one last go.

One last chance for that happy ending.

I will finish reading this goddamn book.

I've Made Charts And Graphs That Should Finally Make It Clear

Ever wonder what it's like to date a yuppie professional who's used to giving power point presentations? Wonder no more:

Romance: An Analysis - Andy Meyers (June 28, 1996)
(It's a virus free PowerPoint file.)

While there is a time-gap in when the analysis took place, I believe you will find it still relevant to current day and extremely concise in its use of visual aids.

e.g.
A couple of the slides had me laughing out loud.

[Hidden]
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear...
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Professional Work Tip #1

When composing an email, do not use a cursive font in an attempt to make your correspondence seem handwritten and more 'personal'.

e.g.

It doesn't work.

(a) It makes it look like spam.
(b) It makes it more difficult to read than a standard font.
(c) It makes me waste company time by blogging in frustration.

Actually, forget (c); when I'm working 11+ hour days everyday starting at 7:30am, I think a little personal venting time is justified.

You know how gmail has personalized ads along the side? Right now the ads on my screen are:

• Is He Afraid To Commit?
• Not Into You? Here's Why
• Gifts for Metrosexuals
• Origin of the Salsa Dip
• Random Acts of Kindness

Damn, Google's got my number :P

For my own reference before I lose it in a reformat...

September 14
Show encrypted text

September 22
Show encrypted text

October 23
go to post


[hidden]
Password hint to decrypt the text below?
name, followed by a single space, followed by response to 'boo'. All lowercase.

Javascript needs to be enabled.
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Ain't it fun

Don't you hate it when you send a message to the wrong person? One way to take it is to roll with it; it's your subconscious acting of its own accord.

The other way is to swear, 'Freaking small buttons,' under your breath followed by a chorus of hands-over-ears 'la-la-la-la-la's

[hidden]
La-la-la-la... fuck.
[/hidden]

Ghost starts pit fire during RAGE set?

Ghost starts pit fire during RAGE set?
Originally uploaded by Bruce Nguyen.

Found this random pic on my camera. It was taken during Rage Against the Machine's set. I was trying to capture the fire we were moshing around and accidentally produced this cool fluke of camera exposure timings.

At least, I THINK it's just a camera trick.

Ooh... ghostly.

More in depth Coachella review coming, maybe. For now, know that The Arcade Fire, Rage, and Interpol rocked my shirt and socks off. Do I mean that literally? Only time will tell!

Fuckin' Awesome-sauce

Think Fast

BL: "I have a job interview tomorrow"

BN: "Cool. Is it for Pro..."
(crap... no, I'm thinking of somebody else... too late... she's waiting... have to finish... make something up...)

BN: "Is it for porn?"