One, Two, Four!

faith
n.

i·ro·ny
n. pl. i·ro·nies

al·ley
n. pl. al·leys

un·der·stand

v. un·der·stood, un·der·stand·ing, un·der·stands

v.tr.

ja·lop·y
n. pl. ja·lop·ies Informal


nose
n.

Over, Under, Around, and Through

Ever wonder why most every* metaphor has to deal with sex? How you can imbue the most innocent phrase or gesture with erotic overtones? Err, undertones... overtones?

Overtone: An ulterior, usually implicit meaning or quality; an implication or a hint
Undertone: An underlying or implied tendency or meaning; an undercurrent

Over or under? I suppose I could swing either way...

Err, I mean my head is just so confused...

Shit, I mean...

Stupid tones, I'm like totally not gay.

*Yes, I still like to be redundant in speech

Hahahahahahaha

shazbot : (

It's a Violent Pornography

Got my ass rocked. Because I didn't want to crucify a co-worker, he fucking ass lances me in front of the client and higher ups.

Is Curb gonna have to choke a bitch?

Horcubee's totally a tease

Just check her flikr

I didn't spit in your soup...

... so don't step on my shoes.

Getting restless?

Maybe.

It's always fun when I am.

Not my analogy, but it'll suffice

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.

A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners and free pens and a certificate of completion for the rower.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.

The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was "out-sourced" to India ....

Arrr!

When I get married, here's how it's going to play out:

1. It's going to be on a boat.
2. It will be happening in the middle of a sword fight.
3. It will be Geoffrey Rush conducting the ceremony.

(Pirates 3 Spoilers!)


I may be willing to budge on (1) and (2), but damn if I don't love me some pirate Geoffrey Rush.

--

Pirates 3 mini review:

• First half of the movie didn't catch my fancy but the movie grew on me as it continued
  
• Johnny Depp was predictably unpredictably amazing
• I still don't like the Elizabeth Swan (Kiera Knightley) character
• Geoffrey Rush's Barbarossa grows more on me every time I see it
• I still don't like Orlando Bloom
• Bill Nighy's Davy Jones was fun
• I'm still disappointed whenever Chow Yun-Fat speaks English without kicking somebody's ass or making gambling look cool
  

Oh How I Hate Rogers Tech Support

(After being on hold for 43 minutes...)

Thank you for calling Rogers, how may I assist you?

I've lost my cell phone so I'd like to place a stop on all outgoing calls and forward all incoming calls to another number.

Sure Mr. Nguyen I can set that up for you.

Thanks, the number I'd like to forward calls to is...

Actually while I can set up call forwarding for you, you can also set it up yourself. I can give you the touch tone codes, all you have to do is enter these codes on to your cell phone.

(*Pause* is this girl an idjit?) Right, well I've lost my phone so can I set it up remotely from another phone?

No sir, it has to be your own cell phone.

(She is, she is an idjit) Okay... Well, since I don't my phone we can't really go down that route.

Alright sir, so would you like me to set up call forwarding or would you like to set it up yourself?

(*Pause* Deep breath, Bruce, take a deep breath) Yeah, if you could set it up, that would be great. Thanks. (Thinking: Am I talking to a real person or one of those automated voice systems?)

--

Don't get me started on the interactive voice recognition enabled telephone help desk.

Alright, let's give us one last try

It's been a torrid affair between the two of us.

The tantalizing build up as promises are made.
The long passionate nights as promises are held.
The inevitable blasé as promises are broken.

We've been through this cycle countless times now.

This is the last time; I swear it. If it doesn't work this time, it's not going to work ever. I'll accept that. I really will.

But I have to give it this one last go.

One last chance for that happy ending.

I will finish reading this goddamn book.

I've Made Charts And Graphs That Should Finally Make It Clear

Ever wonder what it's like to date a yuppie professional who's used to giving power point presentations? Wonder no more:

Romance: An Analysis - Andy Meyers (June 28, 1996)
(It's a virus free PowerPoint file.)

While there is a time-gap in when the analysis took place, I believe you will find it still relevant to current day and extremely concise in its use of visual aids.

e.g.
A couple of the slides had me laughing out loud.

[Hidden]
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear...
[/Hidden]

Professional Work Tip #1

When composing an email, do not use a cursive font in an attempt to make your correspondence seem handwritten and more 'personal'.

e.g.

It doesn't work.

(a) It makes it look like spam.
(b) It makes it more difficult to read than a standard font.
(c) It makes me waste company time by blogging in frustration.

Actually, forget (c); when I'm working 11+ hour days everyday starting at 7:30am, I think a little personal venting time is justified.

You know how gmail has personalized ads along the side? Right now the ads on my screen are:

• Is He Afraid To Commit?
• Not Into You? Here's Why
• Gifts for Metrosexuals
• Origin of the Salsa Dip
• Random Acts of Kindness

Damn, Google's got my number :P

For my own reference before I lose it in a reformat...

September 14
Show encrypted text

September 22
Show encrypted text

October 23
go to post


[hidden]
Password hint to decrypt the text below?
name, followed by a single space, followed by response to 'boo'. All lowercase.

Javascript needs to be enabled.
[/hidden]

Ain't it fun

Don't you hate it when you send a message to the wrong person? One way to take it is to roll with it; it's your subconscious acting of its own accord.

The other way is to swear, 'Freaking small buttons,' under your breath followed by a chorus of hands-over-ears 'la-la-la-la-la's

[hidden]
La-la-la-la... fuck.
[/hidden]

Ghost starts pit fire during RAGE set?

Ghost starts pit fire during RAGE set?
Originally uploaded by Bruce Nguyen.

Found this random pic on my camera. It was taken during Rage Against the Machine's set. I was trying to capture the fire we were moshing around and accidentally produced this cool fluke of camera exposure timings.

At least, I THINK it's just a camera trick.

Ooh... ghostly.

More in depth Coachella review coming, maybe. For now, know that The Arcade Fire, Rage, and Interpol rocked my shirt and socks off. Do I mean that literally? Only time will tell!

Fuckin' Awesome-sauce

Think Fast

BL: "I have a job interview tomorrow"

BN: "Cool. Is it for Pro..."
(crap... no, I'm thinking of somebody else... too late... she's waiting... have to finish... make something up...)

BN: "Is it for porn?"

I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on de drum all day

NS: Aww, you know what you need?

BN: Another espresso?

NS: No silly, this...
NS: 8= =8

BN:

NS: *HUGS*

BN: . . .
BN: Oh! those are outstretch arms...

Ahh... I see what you meant now.

"Elegant".

[Hidden]
I'm still going with "stimulating".
[/Hidden]

"We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyones arguing over where they're going to sit."

:(

How come I'm never in town when David Suzuki comes to visit?

(Wednesday April 11 in North Vancouver)

And while I'm at it, is it just me or does Suzuki not seem quite as optimistic as he once was?

I'm Supposed To Be Working But... Part 2

IF: "I think I just need to go to the driving range."
BN: "Good idea. Meet you there."
IF: "What? Aren't you cramming 14 days of work into this weekend?"
BN: "Look, do you want to play or not?"

I'm Supposed To Be Working But...

+


=


Hooray for inside jokes, procrastination, and 5 minute long computer reboots.

Ohh, now I get it...

"Na."

It's like calling me Bruce... well, that doesn't really work since my name only has one syllable.

It's more like calling me "bee" instead of Curby.

[hidden]
Actually, it's been a while since I've ran in to anybody that calls me Curby. Funny, the process in how nicknames disappear from your vernacular.
[/hidden]

Spamming all your internets

Sorry for the spam everybody, but it's for a good cause, I swear!

My friend Amanda is in the running for Maxim's 2007 Hometown Hottie, so go vote for her! (Definitions of a 'good cause' are rather lax in my books)

Direct link to her page: http://www.maxim.com/hotties/profile_2007.aspx?id=19598
Link to 2007's voting gallery in general: http://www.maxim.com/hotties/voting_gallery_2007.aspx

I promise I won't spam you all again unless you've requested it ('Life & Times of Bruce' emails) or another hot chick asks me for a favour after I've had a few beers.

Continuity

Remember that house of cards?

Finally gotten around to rebuilding the foundation. Feels nice.

A week's worth of weekday stories

On confusing names and email addresses:
QT: Hi, remember me?
BN: Hey Tina
QT: I miss you very much!
QT: ...
QT: Who's Tina?

On relationships with inanimate objects:
ML: I guess you two were never meant to be. A sad tale of woe, is Bruce's relationships

On No Stairway?
"Denied!"

On this isn't the first time I've heard that comparison:
BN: I am NOT an imitation of Barney

On well at least he's got good taste:
AR: I think his idea of "girlfriends" and our idea of "hookers" are one and the same.

On seriously, this is for your own benefit:
BN: I'm all for playing wing... but dude, gotta warn you, you've totally got your beer goggles on.

Reminiscence: St Paddy's

Last night, just like last year, I had my shirt, my hat, and my randoms. (But not my camera, whoops)

Good night, even if I called it early. It was no Fitzsimons, but not many places are... it may just be the Guinness talking, but I kinda miss Ireland.

Hooray for poorly recorded and gaudily edited memories!

[Hidden]
Damn it, quit living in the past
[/Hidden]

Happy Steak & BJ Day!

A week's worth of chocolate purple hearted goldfish!

Quotes
On persistent office gossip:
"Is your fiancée coming out tonight? She's still in town, right?"

On text messages that wake you up:
"So I just got diagnosed as clinically depressed..."

On death cabs and cuties:
"Okay... I think... I think I'm drunk enough to drive you home now."

Internal Monologues
On relations:
Every time I think things can start working well between us you say something like that. Then I remember what I promised myself.
[hidden]
I don't trust you; I don't respect you; I won't cut you out of my life.
It's been twenty some-odd years, trust me, I've tried all three.
[/hidden]

On revelations:
I continue to grow, making steady progress grappling with violent childhood traumas. First dogs, then swimming, now tofu. To complete the superfecta: Birthday cakes with the fruit layer in the middle *shudder*
[hidden]
Yes, VIOLENT childhood traumas, all. For serious.
[/hidden]

On revolutions:
I've got these sun spots where my art used to be,
I've got these sun spots where my art used to be,
Whoa-ooaa (It got sold, it got sold, it got sold),
Whoa-ooaa (It got sold, it got sold, it got sold)...
[hidden]
Yes, I learned what the actual lyrics are. I like my version better.
[/hidden]

Behold My Wonders and Cry Tears of Jealousy

Victoria --> Seattle --> Vegas --> Indio, CA

Hooray for pent up vacation time and pent up RAGE!

I don't say this often...

Not everything is about you.

But that one was.

I don't apologize for thinking it.

But I do apologize for posting it. I knew you'd end up seeing it, I even partly wanted you to see it.

In retrospect and with a clearer head, it wasn't as funny as I thought it was.

I realize this now, and I apologize.

Sorry.

Oh shiznit

You're such a Steph :P

Prediction

[Hidden]
Will call you thurs night, tell you plans. our Saturday plans won't be cancelled, but you'll have forgotten about then and happen to have made other plans. Have free time in afternoon until... 6pm. But will say you only have until 4pm, and will want to leave around 3pm. Will get up late around 1pm. Won't actually meet up unless I make it out to you.
[/Hidden]
Some people are so predictable, it's disappointing.

Yeah, I'm already making other plans :P

Caffeine... Part II

*crash*

Caffeine

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Brain Exhaust

That's just the way it's got to be...

You know what I find irresistibly attracting? Hint: it's not white lies and subtle deception.

When we plan to meet up, it's because I want to see you. I'm not there to listen to that guy that always seems to be around, spouting of his narrow view of how we should relate, of how our relationship should work.

Seriously, dude's gotta stop cock blocking.

That's it, I don't need it and I'm not so sure that you're worth it.

Call me again when you lose the douche.

[hidden]
I'm sorry, religion, but that's just the way it's got to be.
[/hidden]

--

"I don't want to say"
... is a perfectly acceptable answer.

Naturally, this answer doesn't preclude the other person from continuing to try and pry... hmmm... is that why people lie? To avoid follow-up questions and assumptions that go with it.

Of course once you're caught in a lie, even worse questions and assumptions will follow suit.

Where's the respect?

--

Like brothers on a hotel bed

B: I don't know why I said it.

C: Yeah, you do.

B: It's not about that.

C: Come on, this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

B: Please, that's totally different.

C: Dude, you said it twice in 3 minutes.

B: Whatever.

C: Dude, just admit it.

B: Never.

Somebody's Smiling Like an Idiot

[hidden]
... but this time it's not me.
[/hidden]

Quit stealing my lines, foo!

Let the count begin anew

One!
[hidden]
=)
[/hidden]

Mmm... pepper

I fought to get an extra day in Vancouver.
I wanted to spend it with you.

I worked extra hours to make the time.
Finally, things were sorted out.

I picked up the phone.
I dialed the number.

That chiming ring...
My heart murmured with excitement.

Then nine little words formed a mill,
crushing my spirit like peppercorns...

"The Shins Feb 19th show is already sold out"

My crushed pepper spirit leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Arty McArtisan

I've been lackadaisically looking for art pieces for The Pad. In the process, plans for Sakura Blossom Robots and commissioned koreanninja murals have languished by the wayside.

Finally, I think I've found the art style that I've been looking for.

I simply adore John Lytle Wilson's work.

Of course his exhibitions are all on the East coast and the cost for an 8x4 artpiece are most likely woefully out of my price range, so I suppose I'll have to rely on Plan B:

1. Seduce John Lytle Wilson,
2. Have his man-babies,
3. Force our genetically-impossible children into slave labour to paint murals for The Pad.
4. Try to put aside 5% of each paycheque into a college fund for the kids. Just because they're genetic freaks doesn't mean that they don't deserve a good education.
   

Three cheers for good ol' Plan B.

(C) Elephant Love Medley

AA: Love's a strange and fickle creature; hey, do you think love's a she or a he?

CF: A 'she' because love is crazy *grin*
Or maybe a 'he' because love is stubborn...
No, wait... that's still a 'she'...

--

"Why not?" indeed.

Convenience trumps [it] every time.

--

ST: I was only told that before [her], you didn't believe in love. Which implies that after [her], you did.

BR: Not quite... it's more that before [her] I believed that I had already felt love. Now I'm not so sure.

--

KH: "[My Husband] thought you were just wanting to get in my pants. Sorry, would have let you crash here if we had been awake / gracious enough to answer the phone."

--

BL: Will you be part of my friend test.. if ever I date a guy serious enough to go through a test?

BN: As the guy friend, count on me to take him to a strip bar, get drunk, and hear the real unfiltered scoop from him *thumbs up*

Unrelated

How did "2 to 4" become "6 to 8"?

I suppose I can make an exception for people flying in from out of town. Dinner Party at the Pad!

Now where'd I put my "Kiss the Chef" apron...

--

I keep talking to others about how you should not expect change to occur overnight, yet I'm guilty of doing the same. I suppose what I should be preaching is that only expecting change does very little to enact change. If you want the change to happen, you should be proactive about it; meet it head on.

-- Posted May 2, 2005

Different context, same sentiment. I'm tired trying to be proactive, can't you do it just this once?

*ring* *ring*

. . .

Sure. Why not? =D

Brain... umm... ear fluid leakage

EPIPHANY

[composed rants and raves of grr's and arg's]

Dude, quit acting so jealous. It's unseemly.

What?! I'm not jealous, what I'm talking about is... I'm not j... shit... fuck me... It all makes sense now.

*slow clap* Let's give it up for Captain Oblivious

--

PERCEPTIONS

You're driving a car.

The person next to you is staring out the side window at the bunnies and puppy dogs playing in the snow. This person thinks everything is fine and dandy.

You're looking down the road trying to navigate this darned jalopy and keep it on the road.

Heh, jalopy. That's a funny word.

--

KRIS-TOE-MAS

Guess what I got for Christmas!

. . .

Yes, more Starbucks / coffee related goods. But that wasn't what I was talking about.

. . .

Yes, more booze related goods as well. But that wasn't what I was talking about.

. . .

Oh I'll just tell you, it's www.brucenguyen.ca
=O

(H) Brain Diarrhea

Following your gut
I shouldn't have changed my flight schedule. Should have stuck with the original plan.

Note to future self: Being snowed in is not a divine sign.

Like, srsly...
Did somebody stick a "Set me up with your friend" sign on my back? Cause I'm not meaning to be advertising. In fact, I'm not even for sale.

[hidden] I'm for rent *wink* [/hidden]

All I want for Christmas...
You always want what you don't have?
But if the only thing you ever wanted is something you never possessed, does that support the theory or does that just make it coincidental?

My gift giving mantra
I have a list of 'must-gift' (family, mainly), then I have a list of 'like-to-gift'. If you're on my 'like-to-gift' list, I'll only gift you something if I happen across that ideal item. No gift-giving for the sake of gift-giving.

So if you don't receive a gift from me this year, it's not that I wasn't looking for one, it's that I couldn't find one that would do you justice

[hidden] ... because I wasn't looking hard enough, haha [/hidden]

Also, for my 'must-gift' list, my mantra is if you can't find a gift that's meaningful, give a gift that's regiftable.

I think I'm in love...
You're petite, incredulously cute, and possess a wicked imagination.

At times you can be shy - even naive - and find it hard to express and deal with certain emotions. Yet you are one of the strongest person I've seen, able to take initiative and follow through when you find something you're passionate about.

One of the most selfless persons I've ever seen, you can also be quirky and mischievousness at the same time.

A short time spent with you leaves me smiling for hours.

Who are you? You are Amelie Poulain.

Yes, I'm a little late to the party. Sue me. Break me. Shake me. Hate me. Take me over.

The appeal of Amelie as a character derives from the spoken narrative as well as journeying as an invisible third party by her side. From outward appearances, somebody like Amelie may seem... kind of weird and creepy, actually. But because we see this intimate narrative, we have a deeper understanding of her.

Without that narrative and following along her life, would you have cared about or even noticed Amelie? If not, then what other opportunities are you missing out on because you never thought to give the other person a chance?

Then again, Amelie does strike me as one of a kind...

[hidden] I would *so* do Amelie in a heartbeat :P [/hidden]

All I Want For Christmas...

Somebody asked what I want for Christmas. I answered:

"A story.
In a box.
Wrapped up all pretty-like.

I'll hold the gift up to my ear and shake it gently in my hands. Tiny whisperings will leak out from the cracks; teasing with faint hints of an epic story that's begging to be told.

A story in pictures, a story in words,
A way to say what's yet to be heard.
Make use of a brush or the rhythm of rhyme,
To a song or a melody, I'll never say 'nein'."

Yeah, that didn't make much sense to me either. But I suppose if I were to try and derive meaning from it, it would be that I don't want the gift per say, I just want to know the story behind the gift.

"It's not a roll of pennies, it's piggy-bank bacon. I wanted to amalgamate your apparently contradictory passions for pork and protecting wild life. *smile*"

"I made this see-saw figure for you. Do you remember what see-saws represent?"

"[edited out since I'm going to put this in a Christmas card :D]"

Brain vomit

Paving Roads
What is the impetus for creating roads? These days, we know where a road will lead before we build it.

But let's step back to a time before roads were paved with tar.
Step back again to before they were compressed compounds of dirt.
Step back to when they were but paths etched out in the grassy plains through repeated travels.
Step back to that first step that would forge a new path that would build a road that would grant access to untold opportunity.

Was was the impetus for that first step? Survival? Wonderment? Disillusionment?

Honestly though, who the fuck cares?

--

I can kill you with my brain!
Guy beside me in class: "Wait, wait... stop right there. Just let me... reflect on this... ... ... ... Oooohhhhh! ... ... But wait..."

Me: If we all concentrate really, REALLY hard, I think we can choke him to death with our brains!

--

Christmas Gifts
It the thought that counts? Bullshit.

To paraphrase a movie quote: Deep down you may still be that same great person you used to be. But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you.

If you really care about somebody, don't get something for them, do something for them.

Yes, I know 'getting something' is technically 'doing something'. But it's the motivation and reason behind it that really... aww fugnuts. I guess it really is the thought that counts.

--

See-saws
Relationships are like a see-saw. To really make it work, you both have to have the same weight invested in it, you both have to push, and you both have to trust the other isn't about to jump off without warning.

Yadda, yadda, [insert amateur analysis] yadda [insert thinly veiled metaphor for my current state of mind] yadda yadda.

--

Conversations
[Insert edited-real-life or completely-made-up conversation dialog that's really a thinly veiled metaphor]

--

Las Vegas
It's alright. But it just doesn't compare.

Not even close.

It's that time of year again...

There are lots of other events and shows, Festival of Trees @ 4 seasons, Carol Ships cruises, Xmas @ Burnaby Village, etc, but the following are typically my mainstays

[hidden] Yes, because most of them are free. [/hidden]

40th Annual Singing Christmas Tree Musical
Date(s): Fri Dec 8 to Mon Dec 11 AND Fri Dec 15 to Mon Dec 18
Time: Various times
Cost: Free
Location: Broadway Church (2700 East Broadway)

Trinity Street Lights Competition
Date: Mid December-ish
Time: After sunset
Cost: Free
Location: Trinity Street in East Vancouver, between Renfrew and Nanaimo

Festival of Lights
Date(s): Fri Dec 15 to Dec 31 (closed on Christmas Day)
Time: 5pm - 9:30pm
Cost: $11.65 per person or $22.30 for a 'family' of four.
Location: Van Dusen Botanical Gardens (5251 Oak Street)

Winter Solstice Lantern Festival
Date: Friday Dec 22
Time: 6pm - 10pm
Cost: Free
Location(s): West End, Yaletown, Granville Island Strathcona/Chinatown, East Side/Commercial Drive

If the last couple years are any gauge, I'll also be watching, "It's a Wonderful Life", hitting the slopes at least once, and mourning my pitiful attempts to create that perfect batch of hot chocolate.

And I'll probably be on a farm.

Rush, rush, rush

So I spend 30 minutes trying to call a cab to get me to my helicopter, but my phone's auto-redial isn't being able to cut through the incessant busy signal.

Not wanting to waste any more time, I wake up my friend, we hurriedly drive to the heliport, and I leave my car keys in her care until I return in 4 weeks time.

I make it to the heliport 2 minutes before my scheduled departure.

"I'm sorry sir, all flights have been put on standby until at least noon"


. . .


So you're saying I can crawl back in bed now? =D

[hidden] A pessimist would have said, you mean I could STILL be in bed right now? I'm always the optimist *grin* [/hidden]

Now why did I have to go and do that?

1. Ageless mind dwarf exercise

2. Kick Bud Trexler

3. A Gentleman's dim lighting footprint

Oh, such fun fun fun times... [hidden] I'd like some smart-ass to go with my sarcasm, please [/hidden]

So it's official...

Work is sending me to Las Vegas for a couple weeks in late November / early December.

Instead of flying back to Vancouver for the weekends, I'm considering flying straight from Victoria to Vegas, then once that stint is over, flying straight back to Victoria.

That means I may not be in Vancouver for the next month or more.

*shrug*

Can you give me a reason to come back to Vancouver?

10 years ...

... to the day.

How would my life have been different? How would I have been different?

[hidden] Do you ever unconsciously start poking at scar tissue? I can't imagine that it's healthy, but it sure is addictive. [/hidden]

Things I like

So a consultant, a dental assistant, and a concierge walk into a bar... oh, have I told you this one already? Never mind then. Let's talk of things I like.

Hidden smiles
You know the ones. Where for some reason or another, you're trying to hold back a smile. But you can't. And all of a sudden it's unleashed in a big toothy grin.

Rebellious, lone strands of hair
And the plucking thereof.

Unpredictability in others
I think I understand people, their motivations, and their tendencies. I like to be shown wrong every now and then. Keeps me humble. I haven't been very humble lately.

Long-ish hair (clean)
Full, pleasing locks flowing through my fingers.

1st times
That beating heart, sweaty palms, and rush of adrenalin creating a mixture of excitement and anxiety... Do you remember your first time? The vivid, almost overpowering sensations... the sweet fragrances that seemed to fill your senses... the feelings... the textures... the tastes...

Oh, to re-experience my first corossolier + condensed milk drink or my first rambutan.

[hidden] Freshly pressed apple juice is cool, but it just doesn't compare. [/hidden]

Year Two in Review

This blog is turning two years old. The word that summed up Year One was "Transition". The word or phrase that encapsulates Year Two?

"What if." [hidden] Actually, that's just the word or phrase that captures this particular moment of reflection [/hidden]

What if I moved out?
What if I grew a goatee?
What if I could really believe it?
What if I tried a different career path?
What if she could be celebrating her 10th birthday?

Ended up doing the first, trying the second, mistiming the third, and discounting the forth. As for the fifth? Well... that one is purely hypothetical.

It's hard to believe it's been that long.

Quirks

• I can't leave any sauce left on a dinner plate.
  If there's bread laying around, i'll use it to mop up any leftover sauce or grease
  
  
• Take a bite, take a sip, wipe mouth. Repeat.
  I don't do this quite so much anymore, though.
  
  
• Tiled or patterned surfaces, each pace must be equal, i.e. two paces to each sidewalk square, 2nd pace of right foot landing on the crack.
  I don't do this as much anymore, either. Other things on the mind while I'm walking, I suppose.
  
  
• I can't keep my fingers still. My fingers are in constant need to find something to play with.
  
  
• I'm told I have essential tremor. The shivers are noticeable at times. I have to consciously lay them at rest on something else. Otherwise people think I'm continuously nervous when I'm completely comfortable.
  
  
• Every mirror or reflective surface i notice, i must look at myself
  
  
• If I imagine a conversation with you in my head, I'll never bring that topic up in real life. We've already discussed it. It's been resolved. (no it hasn't)
  
  
• I have a foot fetish. They must be sock covered. They must be massaged. A photo must be taken.
  
  
• I am subconscious drawn to greeting card stands.
  
  
• I love it when a girl with a sweet australian accent says, "Can I ask you something". Really, it's all in the word, "ask".
  
  
• In video games where there is a limited amount of an item (bombs, or potions, or ether), I'll do everything possible to avoid using it. Unless I have the maximum amount of that item. Then I can use one.
  
  
• Growing up, I would have to go to th washroom and relieve myself at least once before I could finish my meal. Now I just go afterwards. And beforehand. And again once I get to our next destination.
  
  
• Whenever the phone rings, I visualize who I think is on the other end. I'm very frequently dissappointed.
  
  
• For a short period, I couldn't use the washroom in a confined space. Stalls, porta potties, small bathrooms... the doors would have to be left open while I'm in there or I'd start feeling anxious.
  

Never content...

As I'm working at my desk, they're taking down a wall no more than 10 feet from me. Sledgehammers, drills, and other assorted tools make a cacophony of noise that fills the air. A thin layer of an impromptu plastic barrier - while helpless against the noise - proudly stands guard, protecting my computer and work area from an attacking cloud of dust and debris.

I stare intently at the labourers.

I can't help but think...

Damn, that's a cool job.

Did we all just name the one thing that we don't have?

Question: What is your driving goal in life, or ideal attribute for life?

BL: "Stability"
ML: "Randomness"
BN: "Energy or passion"

Smiling Like An Idiot; Don't Know Why

Oh shit. Yes, I do.

No... must... not... analyze...

Fuck... too late.

Huh... I'm still smiling. Whodathunk?

[hidden]
Password hint to decrypt the text below?
It's your name plus how you respond to me when I greet you with: 'boo'
If you guess wrong, then it's not for you, I suppose.

Oh, and javascript needs to be enabled.
[/hidden]

Click here to Decrypt text below

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Shitznick

Just realized with the move to the new Blogger Beta, all my posts had to be converted to the new system... meaning my archive of all my old blog layouts is gone.

Well, fuck.

I liked the header I had before with my pictures in it... And really, all the posts about layout changes and tweaks make no sense anymore.

[hidden] As if my posts routinely make any kind of coherent sense. [/hidden]

Okay, seriously. Sleep. Try it. Now.

A Work In Progress... still

Yeah, remember this? If not, refer back to the original sketch and reference as well as my initial attempt at colouring and clean-up.

Four months later, insomnia + an art itch + nothing left I want to scrub and clean got me to continue with some colouring and clean-up work. Still no where near completion... but we'll see how far I get in another four months.

I think I'll work from home tomorrow... err, today. Shit, I have to get up for work in 90 minutes.

Insomnia

What do you do when it's 3:30am, you can't sleep, and there's nobody to talk to?

Go for a jog? Draw? Sculpt? Get ahead with work?
Done, done, done, done. What's next?

Cleaning?

Check off the tub, the toilet, the sinks, the tables, the stove, the appliances, the faucets, and I don't do windows or floors.

What's next?

Who wouldn't hate me if I called them at this ungodly hour to discuss the benefits of baking soda and vinegar over off the shelf chemical cocktail cleaners?

I need a pet. A roomba. I can ramble inanely to my pet robo-vacuum in the middle of the night.

Scratching My Artsy Itch

Project: Sculpt a pumpkin
Total Duration: About 4 hours
People ignored in the process: Lots

Yes, I went to the Body Worlds exhibit on the weekend. I was inspired :P

I'll see if I can upload larger pics later See my flicker set, my other pumpkin carving is on there as well. Or you can try and swing by the pad and see them in person.

Check it out the process below:

1) Tools I used:

• 1 Lancashire Peeler
• 1 one chopstick
• measuring spoons (really only used the smallest 1/4 teaspoon. Dunno how the rest got so dirty)

2) With the Lancashire peeler, skinned the pumpkin and lightly etched out the design.
3) Carved deeper lines with a chopstick (yes, a chopstick) to start detailing the image.
4) Still using just the chopstick...4) Gave the image depth using the Lancashire peeler and measuring spoons.
5) More detailing.. You can't really tell from this picture, but I carved out individual toes and fingers... Then the Lancashire peeler slipped and I cut off half his hand.6) Same as above, but lit up.7) With the lights off and pumpkin lit up, fine tuned the design and added some edging.

Hello Sunshine!

Walked into work today after lunch. It's grey and ugly outside. Co-worker said I came in beaming, had a hop in my step.

I suppose I do at the moment.

Its time to dance, its time to sing, sing a happy song...

(The eighties was such an embarrassing era :P)

Protect Your Children From the Dangers of Playing Tag!

wtf

Officials at the Willett Elementary School in Attleboro have banned playground tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chasing games over concerns about the risk of injury and liability for the school.

Seriously. Duck, duck, goose is a chasing game. Same as Go, go, go, stop. Are those to be banned as well?

Another Willett parent, Celeste D'Elia, said her son feels safer because of the rule. "I've witnessed enough near collisions," she said.

Seriously. WTF?

They're children. Not babies.

I would go off on a rant of over coddling and protection of children, suppressing growth and development in their formative years, but instead I'll go off on a rant about love.

You don't over coddle or over protect out of love. Love, in my books, has its roots in a feelings of respect... you know what? I don't feel like typing out this rant either.

I'm tired. And I don't feel like figuring out a way to relate it so that the last sentence reads: I had respect for you.

*yawn*

After today, it'll all be better, right?

Did I read too much into it?

Went to the Body Worlds exhibit at Science World on Sunday. First, a word of advice. If you’re to attend this exhibit, go during work/school hours or during the evening shows after 6pm on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Second tip, if you don’t go during the above-mentioned times, get ready to line up and crowd up. Third tip, bring a sketch book. Very cool anatomical modeling practice.

I hear there’s been significant controversy over this subject, but provided all donor bodies were given willingly and with insight of what may happen to them, I see no problem with it. The sculpture was of a male body, balancing on three balls, one under each leg, one under the left hand as if in the midst of performing an acrobatic circus trick. In his outstretched right hand, he was proudly displaying his innards above his head for all to see.

What struck me was a commentary on how this body was on display and being exploited purely for the amusement of an oblivious audience.

I commented on it at the time, my friend just chuckled. I don’t think she really heard me.

Infernal Affairs III

"After tomorrow, it will all be better."

I thought that was such a stupid line in the movie. The first movie, which detailed the middle part of the story, was the best part.

[hidden] ooh... parallels and analogies [/hidden]

Where do we fit in?

Had a conversation about the nature of friendship the other day. Got me thinking. Killed some time at work today throwing together this list.

[hidden] Remember, it's all about perspective. [/hidden]

The Sometimes Cookie
They're not just acquantances, they're friends. You may even call each other good friends. But you only see them once in a blue moon. You'll talk, you'll hang for a couple days, maybe keep touch for week or two... then they'll disappear from your life again. And yet that's fine. It's how your relationship works. They're yummy cookie treats and you're the new, reformed Cookie Monster. These friends are a sometimes cookie.

The Water Strider
You party together, you chill, you see each other pretty often. But there's no real depth to it. You may share knowledge of certain friends-only details: breakups, hookups, sports teams and college courses. But you're not going to cry in front of them. You're not going to tell them about being physically abused by your uncle as a child. You're not going to tell them about the sexual harassment and or the blackmail you're experiencing at work. Instead, you'll go have a fun time with them to forget all that. Or chill with them between work or classes just to kill time and have some superficial fun. Water Striders are creatures that can freely walk on the surface of water, but never getting the know the water's true depths.

The Emotional Crutch
When you're feeling down, when you complain about the latest guy or girl you're involved with. When you complain about trials at work and with family. These are the people you turn to. And this is really the ONLY time you turn to them. These friends are emotional crutches, to be brought out of storage only when you really need them, plus every now and then for routine maintenance (birthdays, etc).

The Faerie Tale
You feel you can tell them anything and everything, there's no need to hold back, no need to justify, no need to hesitate in any way.

The Appendix
Nobody really knows how or why you became friends. They're just there. And nobody cares enough to really do anything about it, unless for some reason (s)he starts to fester and enflame to the point where you should cut them out of your life.

The Common Dictionary
You work with them, you study with them. They're basically a living reference book. The dictionary always gets poor placement on the bookshelf, hidden behind the encyclopedias and choice novels. The common dictionary may get more usage than the exotic language translation dictionaries, but they're not nearly as exciting. Nobody says, 'ooh, you have a dictionary' But they may say 'ooh, you have a czech-english dictionary, have you ever been?' The Common Dictionary friend serves a purely utilitarian purpose at school or at work. They never get a second glance when not needed.

I'm so out of the I-Bop-Mizzle loop

When you have to hear about events your company is hosting from people working in competing firms...

Something in the process has gone wrong.

This conversation makes no sense and ends abruptly (c)

You shouldn't have to try, it should just come naturally.

Bullshit.

You shouldn't have to force things. It's like trying to hold on to a bar of soap; the tighter you squeeze the more likely it'll slip from your grasp... or distort to some deformed gobledigook.

Not trying and not forcing things is two completely separate issues.

If it doesn't come about naturally, then it's not meant to be.

What, like how electricity, modern medicine, and unearthing ancient fossils 'naturally' came about without anybody trying?

That's different...

That's right. It IS different. Those things were discovered. It wasn't something fake or manufactured that somebody tried to force feed to an unreceptive audience. It was real.

I don't really see where you're going with this...

All these things were there all along, lurking under the surface, even if nobody realized it. Just waiting to be discovered, waiting to be tapped, waiting to be released. But before any of that could happen, certain people needed to try.

This isn't something you can try to apply your logic to. When it concerns the heart, it's irrational, by it's very definition defying logic. Logic doesn't work.

Then why are you trying to put logic to it by attaching a rule that, "If it doesn't come about naturally, then it's not meant to be"? THAT is trying to make sense of it, as well. THAT is trying to apply logic to the situation. And if what you say is true, logic doesn't work.

You're twisting my words...

Well... you're twisting my heart...

That's not what I'm trying to do...

Some things happen without trying, it just happens naturally.

. . .

Which is why, sometimes, you really do need to try.

Because if you don't, you can unintentionally allow things to happen that you don't want to happen.

And you can also miss out great things... miss uncovering something amazing that maybe you weren't even sure was there in the first place.

...and have you been trying?

Moving on...

... up into a Yaletown condo.

While emptying out my room at the 'rents, I came across some old keepsakes that survived the shoebox fire.

Clicky-dee-clickity-click.

--
Now for more of that ambiguously worded deliberation.

"Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure." -- Thomas Edison

I've been restless; I've been discontent. I'm not sure it leads to progress.

“If we resist our passions, it is more through their weakness than from our strength”
-- François de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

What is my passion? I'm sure I've tried to answer this question before.

--

Looking back: Sept 14.

Who knew that would happen? Quiet you, put your hand down.

Textured patterns.

ob·ses·sion
n.

1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

--

Unwanted? The very opposite actually.
Unreasonable? Depends. It's only ~$200 / square foot... times 48 square feet...

Tarnation!

On the edge of a pseudo-epiphany?

Maybe not.
[hidden] I've lost it. How did that happen? Leads one to wonder if you ever had it or if it was just fallout from a gigantic ego. [/hidden]

What would I look like if I were...

faces_horizontal, originally uploaded by Bruce Nguyen.

Top row: Caucasian // West Asian // Afro Carribean // Female // Drunk
Middle row: Baby // Child // Original (East Asian, Young Adult) // Teenager // Older Adult
Bottom row: Drawn by Modigliani // Drawn by Botticelli // Drawn by El Greco // Anime style // Ape-man

--

I don't think I look too keen as a Black guy, but White, Brown, or Oriental? Damn, I'm sexy! ;)

Upload a photo to Perception Laboratory's Face Transformer and see how you might look if you were another race, another species, another gender, etc.

The un-doctored image is centre. Click on the image above to view my Flickr page where each individual transformation is described.

If you have a Flickr account, you can also log in to view larger and more detailed versions of the above picture (click on the "All Sizes" button for this picture after you log in.) The full size original version is 1500 x 1200.

Or you can click here for a larger not quite so huge version of the picture.

Thanks Kare, for posting the Face Transformer so I could steal it from you.

Curse of my heritage

So late in the afternoon I find out the Practice Lead for Western Canada for my division is in town today but is leaving on a plane at 7pm. Naturally I somehow navigate my way into grabbing a quick bite to eat with him before he has to leave town.

Get offered a beer.

I accept.

Bruce + Beer + no Pepcid AC on hand + working meal = Well... fuck!

Stupid Asian flush.

Annoyed; figured out why.

An epiphany woke me at 5am.

As I madly tried to transcribe it, the torrential blast of words I so clearly pictured in my mind poured out of me quicker than I could keep up with. As the clouds of conviction dissipated, all I was left with was a haphazardly collected pool of half-finished thoughts and roughly worded concepts.

Something about socially constructed gender roles, incongruency of actions and thought, and idealistic but obviously misguided justifications and interpretations.

While the entire stream of thought that flowed to this conclusion is incomprehensibly lost now, I do have the end result clear in mind. And maybe, that's the most important part.
[hidden]
The root of this annoyance ball that's found haven inside me this last week?
It's not you, it's me.
Seriously.
And the part that annoys me the most? It's that I'm seriously considering not doing anything about it
[/hidden]
There are few people in the world that can irritate me more than myself.

It's not gonna happen... Get over it!

No matter how much I want it to happen... and I do want it to happen, I really do... it's not.

I think I'm just going to have to come to terms with it. It's been on my mind for months now... I'll discuss it with people and while some have chimed in with rounds of, "Go for it! Take the risk!"... I can't. I won't.

Not again.

Whenever I get close to making up my mind and taking that leap, all of a sudden I'll be infected with a form of Blue Car Syndrome. I'll start to notice guys all around me that seem to have made the exact same choice that I'm considering... Seeing their results convinces me that following though with this choice would be mistake.

A huge mistake.

Stupid Asian genes.

Why can't I grow a nice looking goatee?
[hidden] Bet you thought I was going to take a different route didn't you? Well, being predictable was never a talent of mine that I liked to indulge. [/hidden]

Silly Gooses

Umm... "Geese"?

No, it's "Gooses".
[hidden] Multiple plural, individual plural; I think I'm so clever. [/hidden]

Stop being a drama king.

Had a nice day today. But on the drive home felt frustrated as hell. Drove recklessly at 130+ kmph while just barely avoiding the urge to smash my car into something... anything. Fuck, am I annoyed at me or at you? I have no fucking idea.

Spread em!

Yes, I have this weird fascination with data exploration, extraction, and infographics.

Is it wrong that seeing the following two links gave me shivers down my spine?

Lightweight data exploration in Excel


More on Excel in-cell graphing


In line Gantt charts!


And what started this foray back into excel and spreadsheets?

Why, dicking around with Google Spreadsheets of course! (Collaborative moving itinerary and budget, woo!)

PS: Ooh... iRows!

Acronyms

IINL;
IIA

No, I won't be playing charades with you.
[hidden] It'll be more like a lame version of '20 Questions' [hidden]

--

On an unrelated note... well, a not-directly-related note at least, my best man speech outline was as follows:

1. Living in shadow
2. Meeting the future bride
3. Wishing you happy smells

Seriously

You people give the worst advice in the world. I need another me to take advice from.

A couple of scrapes and bruises is fine. Through adversity do we grow, and through experience and 'failure' do we quickly learn.

Experiencing success reinforces current habits.
Experiencing loss can promote change, but only if the loss is accepted as a progressive step.
It is argued that skewed distributions of successes or perceived successes in ratio to setbacks and losses will lead to stagnation of mind and spirit.

Stagnation.

It has a weird smell.

[hidden] Yes, I had nothing to do at work today. [/hidden]

Word of advice (c)

I can't believe you're doing this.

It's something I think I should do, so that's what I'm doing... It's the right thing.

Dude, you shouldn't make decisions when you're depressed. It's like making decisions when you're drunk.

Meaning it'll be fun?

No. Meaning it'll seem right at the time but when your head clears, you'll realize that your pants are missing and you're wearing your underwear on your head.

Right... so like I said; fun.

No, buddy, I'm saying you're using your head like your ass. It's full of crap right now and that's all that's coming out of it.

It's not crap, it's fertilizer. Maybe my asshead is a fertile ground for good decisions.

Not in this case. Buddy, I'm telling you, it's not too late to turn back. Stop this lunacy now.

You're calling me crazy...

Dude, there's a difference between condemning the person and condemning the action. This action path that you've started...

Maybe I am crazy... and this is the only way to clear my head. The only way for me to move on. I can't take these constant reminders and memory triggers... it all has to go.

You're hopeless.

Not hopeless; depressed. Actually... I suppose having no hope ties into that.

Dude...

Keep Your Fork

Keep reading until the end. Then smile. -B

The following is a shortstory titled "Keep Your Fork", written by Roger William Thomas, published in A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

--

The sound of Martha's voice on the other end of the telephone always brought a smile to Brother Jim's face. She was not only one of the oldest members of the congregation, but one of the most faithful. Aunt Martie, as all the children called her, just seemed to ooze faith, hope and love wherever she went.

This time, however, there seemed to be an unusual tone to her words. "Preacher, could you stop by this afternoon? I need to talk with you."

"Of course. I'll be there around three, Is that okay?"

As they sat facing each other in the quiet of her small living room, Jim learned the reason for what he sensed in her voice. Martha shared the news that her doctor had just discovered a previously undetected tumor.

"He says I probably have six months to live." Martha's words were certainly serious, yet there was a definite calm about her.

"I'm so sorry to . . . " but before Jim could finish, Martha interrupted.

"Don't be. The Lord has been good. I have lived a long life. I'm ready to go. You know that."

"I know," Jim whispered with a reassuring nod.

"But I do want to talk with you about my funeral. I have been thinking about it, and there are things that I know I want."

The two talked quietly for a long time. They talked about Martha's favorite hymns, the passages of Scripture that had meant so much to her through the years, and the many memories they shared from the five years Jim had been with Central Church.

When it seemed that they had covered just about everything, Aunt Martie paused, looked up at Jim with a twinkle in her eye, and then added, "One more thing, preacher. When they bury me, I want my old Bible in one hand and a fork in the other."

"A fork?" Jim was sure he had heard everything, but this caught him by surprise. "Why do you want to be buried with a fork?"

"I have been thinking about all of the church dinners and banquets that I attended through the years," she explained. "I couldn't begin to count them all. But one thing sticks in my mind.

"At those really nice get-togethers, when the meal was almost finished, a server or maybe the hostess would come by to collect the dirty dishes. I can hear the words now. Sometimes, at the best ones, somebody would lean over my shoulder and
whisper, `You can keep your fork.' And do you know what that meant? Dessert was coming!

"It didn't mean a cup of Jell-O or pudding or even a dish of ice cream. You don't need a fork for that. It meant the good stuff, like chocolate cake or cherry pie! When they told me I could keep my fork, I knew the best was yet to come!

"That's exactly what I want people to talk about at my funeral. Oh, they can talk about all the good times we had together. That would be nice.

"But when they walk by my casket and look at my pretty blue dress, I want them to turn to one another and say, `Why the fork?'

"That's what I want you to say. I want you to tell them that I kept my fork because the best is yet to come."

I am

ludacris motion cougar