Life Goes On

Other people's lives are continuing on while my own is still in disarray.

Why does that disturb me?

Is it the self-centred impulse that the world should revolve around me? Is it the disappointment that my friends and loved ones can't actually read my mind? Is it the tendency of misery loving company?

Maybe.

Or maybe what disturbs me is fear. Fear that one day soon I'll be just like them. One day soon my life will continue on. One day soon she'll be a distant memory.

One day soon I'll have all but forgotten her.

To be honest, I was close enough to forgetting about her when she was still around.

So maybe, as with all other things, it does comes back to the belief that, if not the world then at least my world, does revolve around me. And what truly disturbs is the belief that eventually, I will continue on.

Eventually, I will forget.

Eventually, I will disappoint myself.

And once again, I will disappoint her.

Photo of my mother's memorial service,
copyright Karen Hamilton of Tiny Bites

To Every Season Turn, Turn, Turn

Last year around Thanksgiving, I sent Fourteen thank you's to people I deeply valued in my life. It's recently come to my attention that the people in my Fourteen has changed.

Who's in the current line-up? In alphabetical order by first name:

ABHIJJJKKKMNNT
(Congrats to A, H, J3, and N2 for making the list this year. As for C, M2, T2, and Z who were dropped from the list... try again next year!)

In order of who I would want on my pirate ship as we sail the seven seas in search of booty and treasaarrrr:

KMAJTNBKIKHNJJ
(Pirating transferable skills, wench-adeptness, and likelihood of mutiny were deciding factors in this ranking)

In order of who I would butcher first and make into a sandwich when Judgment Day arrives and we resort to cannibalism:

NJJBIMATKJKKNH
(Likelihood of deliciousness, chances of prolonged post-apocalyptic survival, and dietary variety have been taken into consideration. Usefulness with overthrowing our machine overlords and repopulating the devastated landscape have not been factored in.)

In terms of mnemonics / hilarious acronyms:

THINK BJ MAN, JK / JK
(It just worked out that way, I swear! But seriously, think about the BJ. Big fan of the BJ.)

Two Things

I thoroughly enjoy a freshly cleaned toilet seat.

I thoroughly abhor misused acronyms.

TIA

Merde

Yeah, probably shouldn't have done that.

--

You know that person you just can't stand?

That person whose very mention makes you wistfully imagine jamming a chopstick in their ear, a fork in their eye, and a straw up their nose, then serving their decaying carcass to a dirty hobo who then takes a massive dump, and then flies eat up the massive piece of crap version of said person, and then I swat the fly dead with extreme prejudice?

Yeah, that's you L.

New Years Resolution

Keep doin' what I'm doin'

40% of Japanese men sit down to pee, survey shows

Double You Tee Eff?

The survey ... showed that the younger the man, the more likely he is to sit down while peeing instead of the traditional method of standing up.

...

"Women hate it when urine sprays, so there appears to be an increasing number who are asking men to sit down on the toilet when they have to go," a Matsushita Electric Works spokesman said.

...

Matsushita believes mothers getting their young children to sit on the toilet when they urinate are also getting their partners to adopt the same practice.

Japanese guys are so whipped. Be a man and STAND proud!

Although I will say this: Gentlemen, let's be civilized. If aiming fails, have the courtesy to wipe off that seat.

Unless at a public washroom, that is.

In which case it is your manly DUTY to piss all over the toilet seat. It's a reminding note to the rest of the brotherhood to not ever touch the toilet seat of a public washroom.

That shit's just nasty, yo.

Clarification... kinda

s_t_r_a_w_b_e_r_r_y says (8:27 PM):

eeeew
bruce!

Bruce says (8:35 PM):

metaphors, honey. metaphors

get a bunch of corporate executive suits together and they start jerking each other off trying to impress one another

ultimately people end up trying too hard, becoming giant pricks who don't know how to use their head properly

so you just try to go along with it, hoping it gets better

s_t_r_a_w_b_e_r_r_y says (8:37 PM):

u fake it?!!

Bruce says (8:37 PM):

*shrug*

How to: Group Masterbation

• Step one:
  Everybody sit in a circle.
  
  
• Step two:
  Look to the person at your right.
  
  
• Step three:
  Jerk them off.
  
  Fellows, take note if it's a lady to your right:
  
  The clit?
  
  [Perform peace sign + tongue demonstration]
  
  It's up here.

I loathe corporate practice-wide meetings.

I Know It's Romanticized, But Still...

Before I joined The Big Machine, I did some work for a small consulting group in New Westminster. A lot of our clients were start-ups.

I remember visiting grungy home offices with distinctly persistent smells. One, vanilla incense. Another, curry.

I remember smelly dogs leaping onto my freshly ironed shirts. Except for Sasha. She was rehabilitated from the SPCA and had some issues, but eventually she'd follow me around, tail wagging.

I remember the agony we'd live through trying to find funding. The nighttimes would end up at some random bar, us either staring deep into the bottom of our pints or raising them high in cheer.

But most of all, I remember the smiles.

The smiles of passion when somebody would talk about their dream. Whether revitalising the Vancouver bar scene with East Coast ideas or starting a new West Coast comedy festival to rival Montreal's Just For Laughs.

The smiles of amazement as things take a turn for the better. When after setback after setback, you get that first bit of funding to build that revolutionary water filtering prototype.

The smiles of non-regret when you know you've tried your all. And even though your all may not have worked out as planned, it was one hell of a ride.

Sometimes, I miss those smiles.

They were genuine.

Fourteen Forthcoming Thank You's

Seemingly predestined events led to me meeting up with Fourteen today.

We spent a couple hours chapter raiding and japadog hunting before she had to hop on her flight out.

I suppose it went better than expected, although I didn't really know what to expect. Certainly didn't expect to hear that she's getting married.

It's funny how one person's actions can shape your mindset for years to come without you realising or acknowledging it it.

Once you do realise and acknowledge it, what do you do from there?

Giving Thanks is one option. Really, there's no more appropriate time of year than now.

Over, Under, Around, and Through

Ever wonder why most every* metaphor has to deal with sex? How you can imbue the most innocent phrase or gesture with erotic overtones? Err, undertones... overtones?

Overtone: An ulterior, usually implicit meaning or quality; an implication or a hint
Undertone: An underlying or implied tendency or meaning; an undercurrent

Over or under? I suppose I could swing either way...

Err, I mean my head is just so confused...

Shit, I mean...

Stupid tones, I'm like totally not gay.

*Yes, I still like to be redundant in speech

It's a Violent Pornography

Got my ass rocked. Because I didn't want to crucify a co-worker, he fucking ass lances me in front of the client and higher ups.

Is Curb gonna have to choke a bitch?

Professional Work Tip #1

When composing an email, do not use a cursive font in an attempt to make your correspondence seem handwritten and more 'personal'.

e.g.

It doesn't work.

(a) It makes it look like spam.
(b) It makes it more difficult to read than a standard font.
(c) It makes me waste company time by blogging in frustration.

Actually, forget (c); when I'm working 11+ hour days everyday starting at 7:30am, I think a little personal venting time is justified.

Insomnia

What do you do when it's 3:30am, you can't sleep, and there's nobody to talk to?

Go for a jog? Draw? Sculpt? Get ahead with work?
Done, done, done, done. What's next?

Cleaning?

Check off the tub, the toilet, the sinks, the tables, the stove, the appliances, the faucets, and I don't do windows or floors.

What's next?

Who wouldn't hate me if I called them at this ungodly hour to discuss the benefits of baking soda and vinegar over off the shelf chemical cocktail cleaners?

I need a pet. A roomba. I can ramble inanely to my pet robo-vacuum in the middle of the night.

Infernal Affairs III

"After tomorrow, it will all be better."

I thought that was such a stupid line in the movie. The first movie, which detailed the middle part of the story, was the best part.

[hidden] ooh... parallels and analogies [/hidden]

Expectations

Rant

They are always there. There to be lived up to, there to be graded against, and sometimes there to be forever out of reach.

You say you want to have no expectations?

Expectations are built on past experiences. Even simple things such as When you walk, you expect the ground to hold you. When I open my eyes in the morning, I expect to be able to see. After all, that's what happened every day before.

If this is the case, is 'having no experiences' the only way to have 'no expectations'?

Or does having no expectations mean to not rely on past experiences to define new ones?

--

Anti-rant

Using past experiences to define new ones is a fact of life. How would society function if the near future and every action is utterly and unequivocally put in a state of flux?
Dude murdered 17 women. But that shouldn't be taken into account of what he'll do in the future.

Yesterday I paid for food with a paper bill with the '10' symbol on it. Can I really expect to do the same? i.e. get food, use paper for goods/services trade, believe everybody values and interprets the '10' symbol the same way?

Common expectations provide a structure and stability necessarry for us to function. To idolize 'no expectations' is to idolize chaos.

--

Anti-anti-rant

Glib responses aside, but underlying point is not to ignore past experiences absolutely, the point is that you should strive to find the unique qualities and offerings of new experiences.

It is these unique qualities that make it worth while. It is these unique qualities that make us seek out new experiences. It is these unique qualities that motivate us.

(See what I did there? I tied it back to the blog title. Hooray for on topic posts!)

People like to think in threes

One. Today's the second day I've recently found myself heading unconsiously into Delta as I'm driving from Richmond. First, what is there for me in Delta? Second, it's a hell of a long detour I have to take to get back on track. Third, at least this time I didn't try to walk.

Two. Been having weird dreams lately. First, I'm not your buddy. Second, it's scary how easily that could have happened. Third, I'm serious, that's really not funny.

Three. It's not happening. First, I'm being honest here. Second, move along, nothing to see. Third, stop it, seriously; see, this is what I mean.

Reliability and Good Standing

Like a house of cards that takes care and time to build up, one slip up can ruin it all.

Crud, I didn't even start on the second story of my house...

Have to make sure my next effort is positioned on firmer ground.

Double Entendres of Ordered Randomness

I'm
missing the point? yeah, that happens.
Something has changed and Not for the better,
maybe
it's Nothing but
you should always read between the lines.

[Rant] Break a fu.cking leg

You know what annoys me? People who say "good luck" annoy me.

Not only is it cliche and shows no imagination and very little effort on part of the person saying it, but it also implies that if you should succeed or do well then it is a result of chance, not merit.

Whenever I hear, "good luck," I assume the stipend of, "you'll need it". The implication is that your abilities either aren't up to par or your abilities don't matter. With the former, it's just an insult. With the latter, your success or failure is a function of luck or fate and not any thing particular that you did. And as you may know, I am a firm disbeliever in fate.

So what do I suggest as an alternative to "good luck"? How about "go kick some ass".

Have an important game or test coming up? Go kick some ass!

Have an interview tomorrow? Go kick some ass!

Hitting up a girl at the bar? Go kick some ass!

Trying to train a stubborn donkey? Go kick some ass!

Go kick some ass!

Or for something a little more civilized, an "I hope you do well" would suffice. Sure, you can read some implications in that phrase as well (lack of understanding of the person's skills or situation, hope => pray => you need some outside help) but I think it's an improvement over "good luck".

Or how about "You can DO IT!"

That works too.