Philip Henslowe: Mr. Fennyman, allow me to explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster.
Hugh Fennyman: So what do we do?
Philip Henslowe: Nothing. Strangely enough, it all turns out well.
Hugh Fennyman: How?
Philip Henslowe: I don't know. It's a mysteryFrom the 1998 movie, Shakespeare in Love
'Karen is awesome and you should hire her and she bakes for her coworkers!'
[14:43] horcubee: hey bruce
[14:43] horcubee: do you have dorian on your IM list?
[14:44] horcubee: i'm interested in this job (which happens to be with his firm) if it is indeed still an open position
[14:44] horcubee: [link removed]
[14:48] horcubee: the posting on craigslist is as of may 8th
[14:49] horcubee: and it sounds very very interesting, as my areas of expertise are in sales / marketing / knowledge management
[14:50] thisisnotbruce: dorian's on facebook
[14:50] thisisnotbruce: just checked his profile... he's about as active on facebook as i am
[14:50] thisisnotbruce: maybe less
[14:50] horcubee: yeah, i noticed that
[14:50] horcubee: thus the msg to you
[14:51] horcubee: and he looks about as active on linkedin as his facebook account
[14:53] horcubee: dorian, albert, and i used to be in a group for one class, i think (can't remember which)
[14:53] horcubee: or maybe i am hallucinating
[14:53] horcubee: but anyway, we were just university acquaintances
[14:53] horcubee: not the type to keep in touch after
[14:55] horcubee: but if you are comfortable in helping me connect with dorian, i'd really appreciate it. would prefer to talk to him as he is the one who's worked with me before
[14:59] thisisnotbruce: he's one of the few with an RSS feed of my blog
[14:59] thisisnotbruce: i'll just make a blog post :P
[14:59] horcubee: :P
[15:00] horcubee: it'd be great if you can ask him on my behalf, perhaps preface it with 'karen is awesome and you should hire her and she bakes for her coworkers!"
[15:00] horcubee: :P
[15:00] horcubee: which is all true
[15:03] thisisnotbruce: damn, now i kind of want to hire you
[15:03] thisisnotbruce: do you do windows and floors?
[15:03] horcubee: i don't get on my hands and knees for just anyone, dear
Finally found out the true story of why my Dad's brother and sisters are spread around the world instead of all immigrating to the same country. Lo and behold, the story isn't the same one my father tells over a few beers.
This version of the story involves communism!
Speaking of which, as I get a lift home from my mom, we hit a break in the conversation between small singing fluffy dogs and the hazards of peeing outdoors in the frozen Canadian wasteland. Mom speaks up to fill the dead air.
"So how's [Korean girl] these days?"
I could barely hold back my laughter.
B: Hello?
H: Yo B, we're heading out tonight. L needs our help.
B: Again?
H: He's in rough shape man...
B: Just take him to the No. 5, problem solved.
H: Not this time man... he's listening to Air Supply.
B: Shit.
(After being on hold for 43 minutes...)
Thank you for calling Rogers, how may I assist you?
I've lost my cell phone so I'd like to place a stop on all outgoing calls and forward all incoming calls to another number.
Sure Mr. Nguyen I can set that up for you.
Thanks, the number I'd like to forward calls to is...
Actually while I can set up call forwarding for you, you can also set it up yourself. I can give you the touch tone codes, all you have to do is enter these codes on to your cell phone.
(*Pause* is this girl an idjit?) Right, well I've lost my phone so can I set it up remotely from another phone?
No sir, it has to be your own cell phone.
(She is, she is an idjit) Okay... Well, since I don't my phone we can't really go down that route.
Alright sir, so would you like me to set up call forwarding or would you like to set it up yourself?
(*Pause* Deep breath, Bruce, take a deep breath) Yeah, if you could set it up, that would be great. Thanks. (Thinking: Am I talking to a real person or one of those automated voice systems?)
--
Don't get me started on the interactive voice recognition enabled telephone help desk.
BL: "I have a job interview tomorrow"
BN: "Cool. Is it for Pro..."
(crap... no, I'm thinking of somebody else... too late... she's waiting... have to finish... make something up...)
BN: "Is it for porn?"
NS: Aww, you know what you need?
BN: Another espresso?
NS: No silly, this...
NS: 8= 
=8
BN: 
NS: *HUGS*
BN: . . .
BN: Oh! those are outstretch arms...
IF: "I think I just need to go to the driving range."
BN: "Good idea. Meet you there."
IF: "What? Aren't you cramming 14 days of work into this weekend?"
BN: "Look, do you want to play or not?"
You shouldn't have to try, it should just come naturally.
Bullshit.
You shouldn't have to force things. It's like trying to hold on to a bar of soap; the tighter you squeeze the more likely it'll slip from your grasp... or distort to some deformed gobledigook.
Not trying and not forcing things is two completely separate issues.
If it doesn't come about naturally, then it's not meant to be.
What, like how electricity, modern medicine, and unearthing ancient fossils 'naturally' came about without anybody trying?
That's different...
That's right. It IS different. Those things were discovered. It wasn't something fake or manufactured that somebody tried to force feed to an unreceptive audience. It was real.
I don't really see where you're going with this...
All these things were there all along, lurking under the surface, even if nobody realized it. Just waiting to be discovered, waiting to be tapped, waiting to be released. But before any of that could happen, certain people needed to try.
This isn't something you can try to apply your logic to. When it concerns the heart, it's irrational, by it's very definition defying logic. Logic doesn't work.
Then why are you trying to put logic to it by attaching a rule that, "If it doesn't come about naturally, then it's not meant to be"? THAT is trying to make sense of it, as well. THAT is trying to apply logic to the situation. And if what you say is true, logic doesn't work.
You're twisting my words...
Well... you're twisting my heart...
That's not what I'm trying to do...
Some things happen without trying, it just happens naturally.
. . .
Which is why, sometimes, you really do need to try.
Because if you don't, you can unintentionally allow things to happen that you don't want to happen.
And you can also miss out great things... miss uncovering something amazing that maybe you weren't even sure was there in the first place.
...and have you been trying?
I can't believe you're doing this.
It's something I think I should do, so that's what I'm doing... It's the right thing.
Dude, you shouldn't make decisions when you're depressed. It's like making decisions when you're drunk.
Meaning it'll be fun?
No. Meaning it'll seem right at the time but when your head clears, you'll realize that your pants are missing and you're wearing your underwear on your head.
Right... so like I said; fun.
No, buddy, I'm saying you're using your head like your ass. It's full of crap right now and that's all that's coming out of it.
It's not crap, it's fertilizer. Maybe my asshead is a fertile ground for good decisions.
Not in this case. Buddy, I'm telling you, it's not too late to turn back. Stop this lunacy now.
You're calling me crazy...
Dude, there's a difference between condemning the person and condemning the action. This action path that you've started...
Maybe I am crazy... and this is the only way to clear my head. The only way for me to move on. I can't take these constant reminders and memory triggers... it all has to go.
You're hopeless.
Not hopeless; depressed. Actually... I suppose having no hope ties into that.
Dude...
I'm going to Hell.
Why would you say that?
The road to hell is paved with good inventions, isn't it?
Intentions.
Come again?
The saying is 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions', not 'inventions'.
Oh. Well that's a load off of my mind.
Wait a minute, what inventions have YOU created?
Lots. Remember that time at my apartment?
No.
Sure you do.
... no, dude I really don't.
Dude, the 2 chicks, the free beer, the actor invention?
Buddy, that's not an invention; there's a difference between creating things and making shit up.
Really? Well, what do you call a person who does that second thing?
A bloody lier.
Oh... then I'm still going to Hell?
Probably.
"Hey dude, been hearing some rumblings. When you gonna pop the question?"
"I dunno..."
"But you ARE going to, eventually, aren't you?"
"Do you think it's right to promise to spend the rest of your life together with someone not because they're 'the one' but because they're 'the only'?"
"Bullshit. Unless you're the last two people alive, she's not 'the only'."
"You know what I mean."
"No, I don't actually. Do you mean she's the only one who laughs at your horrible jokes? The only one who knows you intimately and appreciates you? The only one you're comfortable with sharing thoughts, feelings, and passions with?"
"No, I mean the only one who will do the McNasty with me."
"Oh... this conversation just took a turn for the worse didn't it?"
"The worst part is that it's more like pity lovin' rather than that Marvin Gaye sexual healing lovin'."
"Oh that's a wicked cool song."
"Well, more self-pity. It's like mutual masterbation... not pitying the other person, but trying to feel better about ourselves."
"Baaaby, I can't hold it much longer // It's getting stronger and stronger // And when I get that feeling // I want, sexual healing..."
"I don't think it's very healthy, but... maybe part of me doesn't want to end it."
"Makes me feel so fine // Helps to relieve my mind..."
"It's like I'm caught up in this loop I can't get out of."
"Get up, get up, get up, get up // Let's make love tonight..."
I should end it... I know I should."
"Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up // 'Cause you do it right..."
"Thanks for the talk, man"
"Sexual Healing is something that's good for me // And it's good for me and it's good to me // My baby ohhh // Come take control, just grab a hold..."
I'm going to stop drinking.
What the heck for?
When my mind isn't occupied with thoughts of gin, it's daiquiri...
Frozen daiquiri or the original?
Original, don't dig the ice all that much. But that's besides the point. The point is that this line of thinking isn't healthy.
Denying yourself what you want isn't healthy, you know.
I can't have it anymore.
Why not?
It's complicated.
Try me.
Let's just say it involves bouts of gut wrenching and self loathing.
I thought you were pretty good with your alcohol.
I thought so too.
And you're usually a pretty happy drunk aren't you?
Yeah, I suppose.
So what happenned?
Things change.
Everything changes.
Some not quickly enough.
... what are we talking about again?
(Local time in Toronto, 11:58pm)
Hey, look up!
No.
What do you mean, "no"? Look up, there's a patch of blue sky!
I'll take your word for it.
Dude, just look up.
No.
Why the fuck not?
Because the last time I started looking up... I had a bomb drop on me.
Well, in that case, that's why you should keep looking up. So that you can avoid these "bombs".
No, you don't understand. The only reason the bomb dropped was because I was looking up. It was waiting for me to do that.
Alright, what kind of bombs are we talking about here?
The kind that drop when you're looking up.
I'm looking up and not seeing any bombs.
That doesn't mean they're not there.
... Dude, I'm all for your quirkiness, it keeps things interesting, but seriously... you're fucked up.
Well what do you expect after you get a bomb dropped on you? That's why I won't be looking up anymore. No looking up = no dropping of bombs = this is as bad as it gets. Why would I be looking up if it will only make things worse?
So your goal in life is to not make things worse?
I suppose so.
With that line of thinking, you won't be making things better. If you look up long enough, you'll see that there is a lots more waiting for you than these bombs of yours. In fact, I'm looking up right now, and nothing bad is happening to me.
...
Dude, start looking up or I'm gonna kick your ass.
Fine. [Starts looking up] Oh you fucktart! Incoming! [slumps to the ground]
Dude... you're fucked up.
You're a diaper.
Excuse me?
You're a diaper.
Alright... And how does that work?
You said that you'd support and help me whenever I came across a load that I couldn't handle myself.
You promised me no leaks; you said I could trust you with anything.
You promised to luvs me and said you would pampers me with huggies.
But now in the end I find that you are just full of shit.
True, I am just about full of your shit.
I'm tired.
You're always tired, man.
Yeah, but not for much longer, though. I think I'm started to get tired of it.
Get tired of what?
Of getting tired.
What?
Don't you ever get tired of being tired? You know... so tired of being tired all the time that you instead start to be energized?
Dude... what?
It's like when I get tired of eating Fruit Loops all the time, I'll switch to Raisin Bran or Frosted Flakes. I figure once I get tired of being tired, I'll switch to being energized.
Do you even listen to yourself speak anymore?
Of course, I suppose I'll eventually get tired of being energized and move on to being angry or irritated... maybe even switching back to tired if the others don't work out. Don't mess with what works, that's what they say, right?
Do you ever get tired of being a jerk-wad?
... Sometimes.
