40% of Japanese men sit down to pee, survey shows

Double You Tee Eff?

The survey ... showed that the younger the man, the more likely he is to sit down while peeing instead of the traditional method of standing up.

...

"Women hate it when urine sprays, so there appears to be an increasing number who are asking men to sit down on the toilet when they have to go," a Matsushita Electric Works spokesman said.

...

Matsushita believes mothers getting their young children to sit on the toilet when they urinate are also getting their partners to adopt the same practice.

Japanese guys are so whipped. Be a man and STAND proud!

Although I will say this: Gentlemen, let's be civilized. If aiming fails, have the courtesy to wipe off that seat.

Unless at a public washroom, that is.

In which case it is your manly DUTY to piss all over the toilet seat. It's a reminding note to the rest of the brotherhood to not ever touch the toilet seat of a public washroom.

That shit's just nasty, yo.

Me likely!

I is getting me a Smokey Amp

Smokey Amp Demo

The Machine Girl. Great Movie? Or GREATEST Movie?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSpCWJnnWVI

Worth Watching - Dec 10: Next Year's Cult Hit - The Machine Girl

Stars Concert... addendum

Change? Shit.

I guess change is good for any of us

Whatever it take for any of y'all niggaz to get up out the hood

Shit, I'm wit cha, I ain't mad at cha

Got nuttin but love for ya, do your thing girl
< /2pac >

Stars Concert

• Commodore Ballroom, 2007.11.20
  
  
• Stars are amazing.
  
  
• Started a Stars chant and they came out for a 2nd encore. Woo!
  
  
• Amy Milan pointed and waved at some dude next to me as they had met on the road the week before.
  
  He started screaming like a little girl.
  
  I was secretly jealous :P
  
  
• The opening act was actually pretty cool. Still trying to remember what their name is. They're another band out of Montreal, similar musical style to Stars but with more percussion. Which is understandable since they had two percussionists.
  
  I'm also a percussion freak, so it's understandable why I liked them.
  
  
• Stars ended up playing a secret free show at the Media club on Sunday. I found out as I walked by and had to make a quick decision whether or not to hop in the line and cancel on my parents.
  
  I'm such a good son.
  
  
• West Van is more a Friday night thing than Saturday night.
  

Stars
Photo Originally uploaded by
melissa_sucks

Code Red, Code Red!

[Ring, ring]

B: Hello?

H: Yo B, we're heading out tonight. L needs our help.

B: Again?

H: He's in rough shape man...

B: Just take him to the No. 5, problem solved.

H: Not this time man... he's listening to Air Supply.

B: Shit.

Clarification... kinda

s_t_r_a_w_b_e_r_r_y says (8:27 PM):

eeeew
bruce!

Bruce says (8:35 PM):

metaphors, honey. metaphors

get a bunch of corporate executive suits together and they start jerking each other off trying to impress one another

ultimately people end up trying too hard, becoming giant pricks who don't know how to use their head properly

so you just try to go along with it, hoping it gets better

s_t_r_a_w_b_e_r_r_y says (8:37 PM):

u fake it?!!

Bruce says (8:37 PM):

*shrug*

How to: Group Masterbation

• Step one:
  Everybody sit in a circle.
  
  
• Step two:
  Look to the person at your right.
  
  
• Step three:
  Jerk them off.
  
  Fellows, take note if it's a lady to your right:
  
  The clit?
  
  [Perform peace sign + tongue demonstration]
  
  It's up here.

I loathe corporate practice-wide meetings.

I Know It's Romanticized, But Still...

Before I joined The Big Machine, I did some work for a small consulting group in New Westminster. A lot of our clients were start-ups.

I remember visiting grungy home offices with distinctly persistent smells. One, vanilla incense. Another, curry.

I remember smelly dogs leaping onto my freshly ironed shirts. Except for Sasha. She was rehabilitated from the SPCA and had some issues, but eventually she'd follow me around, tail wagging.

I remember the agony we'd live through trying to find funding. The nighttimes would end up at some random bar, us either staring deep into the bottom of our pints or raising them high in cheer.

But most of all, I remember the smiles.

The smiles of passion when somebody would talk about their dream. Whether revitalising the Vancouver bar scene with East Coast ideas or starting a new West Coast comedy festival to rival Montreal's Just For Laughs.

The smiles of amazement as things take a turn for the better. When after setback after setback, you get that first bit of funding to build that revolutionary water filtering prototype.

The smiles of non-regret when you know you've tried your all. And even though your all may not have worked out as planned, it was one hell of a ride.

Sometimes, I miss those smiles.

They were genuine.

Fourteen Forthcoming Thank You's

Seemingly predestined events led to me meeting up with Fourteen today.

We spent a couple hours chapter raiding and japadog hunting before she had to hop on her flight out.

I suppose it went better than expected, although I didn't really know what to expect. Certainly didn't expect to hear that she's getting married.

It's funny how one person's actions can shape your mindset for years to come without you realising or acknowledging it it.

Once you do realise and acknowledge it, what do you do from there?

Giving Thanks is one option. Really, there's no more appropriate time of year than now.

Faith

Ever notice that the only people that panic about a situation are the people that feel they have no control over the situation?

Seriously, calm the fuck down. I've got it covered.

Trust in the Bruce.

One, Two, Four!

faith
n.

i·ro·ny
n. pl. i·ro·nies

al·ley
n. pl. al·leys

un·der·stand

v. un·der·stood, un·der·stand·ing, un·der·stands

v.tr.

ja·lop·y
n. pl. ja·lop·ies Informal


nose
n.

Over, Under, Around, and Through

Ever wonder why most every* metaphor has to deal with sex? How you can imbue the most innocent phrase or gesture with erotic overtones? Err, undertones... overtones?

Overtone: An ulterior, usually implicit meaning or quality; an implication or a hint
Undertone: An underlying or implied tendency or meaning; an undercurrent

Over or under? I suppose I could swing either way...

Err, I mean my head is just so confused...

Shit, I mean...

Stupid tones, I'm like totally not gay.

*Yes, I still like to be redundant in speech

Hahahahahahaha

shazbot : (

It's a Violent Pornography

Got my ass rocked. Because I didn't want to crucify a co-worker, he fucking ass lances me in front of the client and higher ups.

Is Curb gonna have to choke a bitch?

Horcubee's totally a tease

Just check her flikr

I didn't spit in your soup...

... so don't step on my shoes.

Getting restless?

Maybe.

It's always fun when I am.

Not my analogy, but it'll suffice

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.

A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners and free pens and a certificate of completion for the rower.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.

The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was "out-sourced" to India ....

Arrr!

When I get married, here's how it's going to play out:

1. It's going to be on a boat.
2. It will be happening in the middle of a sword fight.
3. It will be Geoffrey Rush conducting the ceremony.

(Pirates 3 Spoilers!)


I may be willing to budge on (1) and (2), but damn if I don't love me some pirate Geoffrey Rush.

--

Pirates 3 mini review:

• First half of the movie didn't catch my fancy but the movie grew on me as it continued
  
• Johnny Depp was predictably unpredictably amazing
• I still don't like the Elizabeth Swan (Kiera Knightley) character
• Geoffrey Rush's Barbarossa grows more on me every time I see it
• I still don't like Orlando Bloom
• Bill Nighy's Davy Jones was fun
• I'm still disappointed whenever Chow Yun-Fat speaks English without kicking somebody's ass or making gambling look cool
  

Oh How I Hate Rogers Tech Support

(After being on hold for 43 minutes...)

Thank you for calling Rogers, how may I assist you?

I've lost my cell phone so I'd like to place a stop on all outgoing calls and forward all incoming calls to another number.

Sure Mr. Nguyen I can set that up for you.

Thanks, the number I'd like to forward calls to is...

Actually while I can set up call forwarding for you, you can also set it up yourself. I can give you the touch tone codes, all you have to do is enter these codes on to your cell phone.

(*Pause* is this girl an idjit?) Right, well I've lost my phone so can I set it up remotely from another phone?

No sir, it has to be your own cell phone.

(She is, she is an idjit) Okay... Well, since I don't my phone we can't really go down that route.

Alright sir, so would you like me to set up call forwarding or would you like to set it up yourself?

(*Pause* Deep breath, Bruce, take a deep breath) Yeah, if you could set it up, that would be great. Thanks. (Thinking: Am I talking to a real person or one of those automated voice systems?)

--

Don't get me started on the interactive voice recognition enabled telephone help desk.

Alright, let's give us one last try

It's been a torrid affair between the two of us.

The tantalizing build up as promises are made.
The long passionate nights as promises are held.
The inevitable blasé as promises are broken.

We've been through this cycle countless times now.

This is the last time; I swear it. If it doesn't work this time, it's not going to work ever. I'll accept that. I really will.

But I have to give it this one last go.

One last chance for that happy ending.

I will finish reading this goddamn book.

I've Made Charts And Graphs That Should Finally Make It Clear

Ever wonder what it's like to date a yuppie professional who's used to giving power point presentations? Wonder no more:

Romance: An Analysis - Andy Meyers (June 28, 1996)
(It's a virus free PowerPoint file.)

While there is a time-gap in when the analysis took place, I believe you will find it still relevant to current day and extremely concise in its use of visual aids.

e.g.
A couple of the slides had me laughing out loud.

[Hidden]
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear...
[/Hidden]

Professional Work Tip #1

When composing an email, do not use a cursive font in an attempt to make your correspondence seem handwritten and more 'personal'.

e.g.

It doesn't work.

(a) It makes it look like spam.
(b) It makes it more difficult to read than a standard font.
(c) It makes me waste company time by blogging in frustration.

Actually, forget (c); when I'm working 11+ hour days everyday starting at 7:30am, I think a little personal venting time is justified.

You know how gmail has personalized ads along the side? Right now the ads on my screen are:

• Is He Afraid To Commit?
• Not Into You? Here's Why
• Gifts for Metrosexuals
• Origin of the Salsa Dip
• Random Acts of Kindness

Damn, Google's got my number :P

For my own reference before I lose it in a reformat...

September 14
Show encrypted text

September 22
Show encrypted text

October 23
go to post


[hidden]
Password hint to decrypt the text below?
name, followed by a single space, followed by response to 'boo'. All lowercase.

Javascript needs to be enabled.
[/hidden]

Ain't it fun

Don't you hate it when you send a message to the wrong person? One way to take it is to roll with it; it's your subconscious acting of its own accord.

The other way is to swear, 'Freaking small buttons,' under your breath followed by a chorus of hands-over-ears 'la-la-la-la-la's

[hidden]
La-la-la-la... fuck.
[/hidden]

Ghost starts pit fire during RAGE set?

Ghost starts pit fire during RAGE set?
Originally uploaded by Bruce Nguyen.

Found this random pic on my camera. It was taken during Rage Against the Machine's set. I was trying to capture the fire we were moshing around and accidentally produced this cool fluke of camera exposure timings.

At least, I THINK it's just a camera trick.

Ooh... ghostly.

More in depth Coachella review coming, maybe. For now, know that The Arcade Fire, Rage, and Interpol rocked my shirt and socks off. Do I mean that literally? Only time will tell!

Fuckin' Awesome-sauce

Think Fast

BL: "I have a job interview tomorrow"

BN: "Cool. Is it for Pro..."
(crap... no, I'm thinking of somebody else... too late... she's waiting... have to finish... make something up...)

BN: "Is it for porn?"

I don't wanna work, I just wanna bang on de drum all day

NS: Aww, you know what you need?

BN: Another espresso?

NS: No silly, this...
NS: 8= =8

BN:

NS: *HUGS*

BN: . . .
BN: Oh! those are outstretch arms...

Ahh... I see what you meant now.

"Elegant".

[Hidden]
I'm still going with "stimulating".
[/Hidden]

"We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyones arguing over where they're going to sit."

:(

How come I'm never in town when David Suzuki comes to visit?

(Wednesday April 11 in North Vancouver)

And while I'm at it, is it just me or does Suzuki not seem quite as optimistic as he once was?

I'm Supposed To Be Working But... Part 2

IF: "I think I just need to go to the driving range."
BN: "Good idea. Meet you there."
IF: "What? Aren't you cramming 14 days of work into this weekend?"
BN: "Look, do you want to play or not?"

I'm Supposed To Be Working But...

+


=


Hooray for inside jokes, procrastination, and 5 minute long computer reboots.

Ohh, now I get it...

"Na."

It's like calling me Bruce... well, that doesn't really work since my name only has one syllable.

It's more like calling me "bee" instead of Curby.

[hidden]
Actually, it's been a while since I've ran in to anybody that calls me Curby. Funny, the process in how nicknames disappear from your vernacular.
[/hidden]

Spamming all your internets

Sorry for the spam everybody, but it's for a good cause, I swear!

My friend Amanda is in the running for Maxim's 2007 Hometown Hottie, so go vote for her! (Definitions of a 'good cause' are rather lax in my books)

Direct link to her page: http://www.maxim.com/hotties/profile_2007.aspx?id=19598
Link to 2007's voting gallery in general: http://www.maxim.com/hotties/voting_gallery_2007.aspx

I promise I won't spam you all again unless you've requested it ('Life & Times of Bruce' emails) or another hot chick asks me for a favour after I've had a few beers.

Continuity

Remember that house of cards?

Finally gotten around to rebuilding the foundation. Feels nice.

A week's worth of weekday stories

On confusing names and email addresses:
QT: Hi, remember me?
BN: Hey Tina
QT: I miss you very much!
QT: ...
QT: Who's Tina?

On relationships with inanimate objects:
ML: I guess you two were never meant to be. A sad tale of woe, is Bruce's relationships

On No Stairway?
"Denied!"

On this isn't the first time I've heard that comparison:
BN: I am NOT an imitation of Barney

On well at least he's got good taste:
AR: I think his idea of "girlfriends" and our idea of "hookers" are one and the same.

On seriously, this is for your own benefit:
BN: I'm all for playing wing... but dude, gotta warn you, you've totally got your beer goggles on.

Reminiscence: St Paddy's

Last night, just like last year, I had my shirt, my hat, and my randoms. (But not my camera, whoops)

Good night, even if I called it early. It was no Fitzsimons, but not many places are... it may just be the Guinness talking, but I kinda miss Ireland.

Hooray for poorly recorded and gaudily edited memories!

[Hidden]
Damn it, quit living in the past
[/Hidden]

Happy Steak & BJ Day!

A week's worth of chocolate purple hearted goldfish!

Quotes
On persistent office gossip:
"Is your fiancée coming out tonight? She's still in town, right?"

On text messages that wake you up:
"So I just got diagnosed as clinically depressed..."

On death cabs and cuties:
"Okay... I think... I think I'm drunk enough to drive you home now."

Internal Monologues
On relations:
Every time I think things can start working well between us you say something like that. Then I remember what I promised myself.
[hidden]
I don't trust you; I don't respect you; I won't cut you out of my life.
It's been twenty some-odd years, trust me, I've tried all three.
[/hidden]

On revelations:
I continue to grow, making steady progress grappling with violent childhood traumas. First dogs, then swimming, now tofu. To complete the superfecta: Birthday cakes with the fruit layer in the middle *shudder*
[hidden]
Yes, VIOLENT childhood traumas, all. For serious.
[/hidden]

On revolutions:
I've got these sun spots where my art used to be,
I've got these sun spots where my art used to be,
Whoa-ooaa (It got sold, it got sold, it got sold),
Whoa-ooaa (It got sold, it got sold, it got sold)...
[hidden]
Yes, I learned what the actual lyrics are. I like my version better.
[/hidden]

Behold My Wonders and Cry Tears of Jealousy

Victoria --> Seattle --> Vegas --> Indio, CA

Hooray for pent up vacation time and pent up RAGE!

I don't say this often...

Not everything is about you.

But that one was.

I don't apologize for thinking it.

But I do apologize for posting it. I knew you'd end up seeing it, I even partly wanted you to see it.

In retrospect and with a clearer head, it wasn't as funny as I thought it was.

I realize this now, and I apologize.

Sorry.

Oh shiznit

You're such a Steph :P

Prediction

[Hidden]
Will call you thurs night, tell you plans. our Saturday plans won't be cancelled, but you'll have forgotten about then and happen to have made other plans. Have free time in afternoon until... 6pm. But will say you only have until 4pm, and will want to leave around 3pm. Will get up late around 1pm. Won't actually meet up unless I make it out to you.
[/Hidden]
Some people are so predictable, it's disappointing.

Yeah, I'm already making other plans :P

Caffeine... Part II

*crash*

Caffeine

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Brain Exhaust

That's just the way it's got to be...

You know what I find irresistibly attracting? Hint: it's not white lies and subtle deception.

When we plan to meet up, it's because I want to see you. I'm not there to listen to that guy that always seems to be around, spouting of his narrow view of how we should relate, of how our relationship should work.

Seriously, dude's gotta stop cock blocking.

That's it, I don't need it and I'm not so sure that you're worth it.

Call me again when you lose the douche.

[hidden]
I'm sorry, religion, but that's just the way it's got to be.
[/hidden]

--

"I don't want to say"
... is a perfectly acceptable answer.

Naturally, this answer doesn't preclude the other person from continuing to try and pry... hmmm... is that why people lie? To avoid follow-up questions and assumptions that go with it.

Of course once you're caught in a lie, even worse questions and assumptions will follow suit.

Where's the respect?

--

Like brothers on a hotel bed

B: I don't know why I said it.

C: Yeah, you do.

B: It's not about that.

C: Come on, this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

B: Please, that's totally different.

C: Dude, you said it twice in 3 minutes.

B: Whatever.

C: Dude, just admit it.

B: Never.

Somebody's Smiling Like an Idiot

[hidden]
... but this time it's not me.
[/hidden]

Quit stealing my lines, foo!

Let the count begin anew

One!
[hidden]
=)
[/hidden]

Mmm... pepper

I fought to get an extra day in Vancouver.
I wanted to spend it with you.

I worked extra hours to make the time.
Finally, things were sorted out.

I picked up the phone.
I dialed the number.

That chiming ring...
My heart murmured with excitement.

Then nine little words formed a mill,
crushing my spirit like peppercorns...

"The Shins Feb 19th show is already sold out"

My crushed pepper spirit leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Arty McArtisan

I've been lackadaisically looking for art pieces for The Pad. In the process, plans for Sakura Blossom Robots and commissioned koreanninja murals have languished by the wayside.

Finally, I think I've found the art style that I've been looking for.

I simply adore John Lytle Wilson's work.

Of course his exhibitions are all on the East coast and the cost for an 8x4 artpiece are most likely woefully out of my price range, so I suppose I'll have to rely on Plan B:

1. Seduce John Lytle Wilson,
2. Have his man-babies,
3. Force our genetically-impossible children into slave labour to paint murals for The Pad.
4. Try to put aside 5% of each paycheque into a college fund for the kids. Just because they're genetic freaks doesn't mean that they don't deserve a good education.
   

Three cheers for good ol' Plan B.

(C) Elephant Love Medley

AA: Love's a strange and fickle creature; hey, do you think love's a she or a he?

CF: A 'she' because love is crazy *grin*
Or maybe a 'he' because love is stubborn...
No, wait... that's still a 'she'...

--

"Why not?" indeed.

Convenience trumps [it] every time.

--

ST: I was only told that before [her], you didn't believe in love. Which implies that after [her], you did.

BR: Not quite... it's more that before [her] I believed that I had already felt love. Now I'm not so sure.

--

KH: "[My Husband] thought you were just wanting to get in my pants. Sorry, would have let you crash here if we had been awake / gracious enough to answer the phone."

--

BL: Will you be part of my friend test.. if ever I date a guy serious enough to go through a test?

BN: As the guy friend, count on me to take him to a strip bar, get drunk, and hear the real unfiltered scoop from him *thumbs up*