Make with the clicky

Clickity clickity click.

The Chronic(WHAT!)les of Narnia (SNL Skit)

The internet is for... **** (WoW machinime musical number)

Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) VS Ryu (Street Fighter) (cool flash animation)

Hilarious Patrick Stewart (Picard) skit from HBO show "Extras"

Damn you people, quit sending me web links! I'm trying to be productive (no I'm not. Keep them coming :D)

Yes, more highlighting required.

My Christmas weekend plans?

They involve the following:

• a farm,
• scarfing into a Tom (turkey),
• Monty Python and the Holy Grail,
• mountainous snow (or snowy mountains?), and
• me being out of Vancouver for about 96 hours

Hopefully this will let me clear my head, from images of Christmas past and Christmas present.

Some people know my issues with Christmas past. Forgive me if the season doesn't exactly fill me with cheer every year. Is it because I want what I don't have? No... I'm pretty sure that's not the problem at all. The problem is I don't know what I want... besides you.

OMGWTFBBQ!

The full series of Firefly is now on sale at HMV for $29.99, regular price $69.99. (Ignore what the website says, the price in-store is $29.99 and HMV Metrotown still had quite a few copies in stock today).

Add on to that the fact that the movie (Serenity) is selling for $24.99 and you have the perfect equation for a great christmas gift for any fan of great storytelling (hint hint).

And if you have already bought a gift for somebody, that's still no excuse not to buy this. Buy it, wrap it up, wish your loved one a Happy Wednesday, then relax in front of your TV and bask in the awesomeness that is Firefly.

Oh, and in case you couldn't guess, I love this series.

My Christmas Check List

• Shop for Christmas gifts ............... check
• Shop for Christmas cards ............... check
• Deliver Christmas gifts and cards ...... pending
• Watch A Charlie Brown Christmas ........ check
• Watch Monty Python & the Holy Grail .... Dec 23
  
• Watch It's a Wonderful Life ............ pending
• Read The Lion, The Witch & the Wardrobe. pending
• Read When Heaven & Earth Changed Places. pending
• Read How Murray Saved Christmas ........ pending
• Ski/snowboarding on Mount Baker ........ Dec 26
  
• Have Turkeytastic Christmas Dinner ..... Dec 24
• Attend Festival of Lights .............. check
• Attend Singing Christmas Tree .......... check
• Attend Winter Solstice Lantern Festival. Dec 21
• Attend Christmas party ................. check
• Get drunk at Christmas party ........... check
• Drunkenly hit on women at said party ... check
• Remorse that all I really want is gin .. check

Oh so much to do, oh so much to do.

Oh, and check out Najin's website. She's a local and modest artist, a friendly neighbourhood ninja, and quite the hot tomali. Just be careful not to ask her to marry you.

But they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!

What's your favourite?

Gin.

But you're drinking a daiquiri

So?

There's no gin in that.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer gin.

Alright. So what and gin? How would you want it?

Don't need anything else. Just straight-up, neat, gin.

That's pretty 'core.

I 'spose.

But what about freedom? Didn't you say you wanted your freedom?

We're not having one of those metaphorical conversations again, are we?

Is there any other kind?

You're making my head hurt.

Are you sure it's not the gin that's causing the pain?

Dude... seriously... shut up!

From my blog to your email

I've added an email subscription service for those that don't use RSS feeds but would still like to keep up to date with my blog.

Just enter your email in the form along the right side of the screen and you'll be emailed my blog posts as I write them.

True Story

Last night I was reading in bed. I shifted positions and felt a twitch in my neck which made me succumb to uncontrollable spasms for what seemed like forever but was more likely around 60 seconds.

I woke up this morning at around 7:30am. I didn't get out of bed for another 5 hours. I wanted to get up, but I couldn't.

I physically could not move.

Well, I could still move, but my neck was in such excrutiating pain whenever I tried that I chose to lay in bed for a few extra hours. It's like the muscles that support my head had gone on strike and cried out in protest whenever I tried willing them to work.

There's a metaphor here about support, expectations, and the lack thereof... or maybe prolonged build-up of tensions and unexpected consequences... whatever it is, I'm in no mood to find it.

I just want my support back.
(Is THAT the metaphor?)

To the memory of Lee Matasi

How will you be remembered after the fact?

Three memories stick out in my mind: Scratching on your ghetto blaster... smuggling booze in a pink flamingo prop into the prom... sporting a smooth looking top hat and cane at the prom.

I think it's safe to say that we were no more than acquaintences, really. Friends of friends who never really talked. But still, there's an impact when there is a passing of somebody you actually met and knew in person. Especially when that passing is unexpected.

Shock is what I'm feeling right now.

Rant about media spin and hidden agendas to be respectfully addressed another day.

Rest in peace, Lee.

Please join us this Wednesday, Dec 7, 2005 at Leeside
at 3:00 pm for a memorial for Lee Matasi.
Directions: Leeside is the tunnel under hastings and hwy 1
head down hastings turn right at the playland gates, make your first left go to the end
and park somewhere(its right close to the ecomm building).

There will be a Wake for Lee Friday, December 9th, 2005 at
Anti Social on Main Street.

Please join us for our Monthly Meeting
where there will be a meeting regarding a skatepark to be built
in honor of Leeside Lee - Lee Matasi.

7 PM - Wednesday Dec 7, 2005 at the
Round House Community Centre
181 Roundhouse Mews, Vancouver, BC


Anybody who would like to share their memories and photos of Lee -
Please email them to - secretary@vspc.ca - and we will forward them to Lee's Family.

http://www.vspc.ca/

Bombs away!

Hey, look up!

No.

What do you mean, "no"? Look up, there's a patch of blue sky!

I'll take your word for it.

Dude, just look up.

No.

Why the fuck not?

Because the last time I started looking up... I had a bomb drop on me.

Well, in that case, that's why you should keep looking up. So that you can avoid these "bombs".

No, you don't understand. The only reason the bomb dropped was because I was looking up. It was waiting for me to do that.

Alright, what kind of bombs are we talking about here?

The kind that drop when you're looking up.

I'm looking up and not seeing any bombs.

That doesn't mean they're not there.

... Dude, I'm all for your quirkiness, it keeps things interesting, but seriously... you're fucked up.

Well what do you expect after you get a bomb dropped on you? That's why I won't be looking up anymore. No looking up = no dropping of bombs = this is as bad as it gets. Why would I be looking up if it will only make things worse?

So your goal in life is to not make things worse?

I suppose so.

With that line of thinking, you won't be making things better. If you look up long enough, you'll see that there is a lots more waiting for you than these bombs of yours. In fact, I'm looking up right now, and nothing bad is happening to me.

...

Dude, start looking up or I'm gonna kick your ass.

Fine. [Starts looking up] Oh you fucktart! Incoming! [slumps to the ground]

Dude... you're fucked up.

Contemplations

Keeping an open mind. A good philosophy? In general. But like most things, successful execution is tricky.

Keeping an open mind does not necessitate indecision or being "wishy-washy" with your choices and decisions. An open mind is the the ability and willingness to process new information on which to make better, future decisions.

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it"

-- Aristotle

When confronted with new information or a new idea, keeping an open mind does not mean that you accept the possibility or validity of this idea, keeping an open mind means that you will consider the possibility that it is valid. You have a choice of whether or not to accept or reject (or remain undecided about) this information. But keeping an open mind means that once more new information is received, you may choose to revisit old ideas and re-evaluate them. Choice isn't a single fork in the road of life. If you find that you have wandered off course, you can correct it at the next branch in the road... so long as you keep an open mind.

Keeping with this metaphor, your destination is not locked by the path you are travelling on (the same path can lead to many places). Likewise, your path is not locked by your intended destination (many paths can lead to the same place). You can change either the path or the destination, the trick is deciding what to change and when.

Or maybe the trick is realizing that neither the path nor the destination are as important as the journey itself, or how you choose to travel down said path, because, really, that's where all of your time will be spent.

I'm not sure of much, but I think I'll travel the next leg of my journey with a book in my bag, a song in my head, and a skip in my step. A book to learn from because I'm afraid of people. A song in my head to keep me occupied and my thoughts off of you. And a skip in my step to hurry me away from the past. I'm a coward; I don't want to travel alone anymore, but I believe that I will.

Moving On Up

As of 5 minutes ago the following points have been decided:

1. Will quit my current job (the world's local bank)
   
2. Will work a new job as Business Consultant (big blue)
   
3. Will be packing my bags for the T dot (damn you Shawn Desmond!)
   

Well, I'll just be in Toronto for a week for training. But if I say it like that, there's not as much dramatic tension.

And we all know I'm all about the drama.

I haven't seriously doodled since highschool

(Click the pictures for a larger image)

update: 1:19am - added links for absurdly ginormous sketches that nobody in their right mind should want to download.

I don't watch TV anymore, I just have it on the background while I doodle:


Ceramic figure (while watching Veronica Mars)
Ginormous sketch (ceramic figure)


Me and the brother. Vancouver 1983. (also while watching Veronica Mars)
Ginormous sketch (Bruce @ 1 year old)

I don't work either. I just sketch:


Sympathetic figure on the donation can on my counter at work.
Ginormous sketch (Child donation mascot)

(Don't have the can on me so can't do a comparison pic. I'll try to snap a picture next time I'm at work)

(That number in the corner? Part of one of the many bank account numbers and other data I have to jot down throughout the day. Why there's no copy-paste function in the software is beyond me.)


Picture in the HSBC Mastercard application pamphlet. (My favourite of the bunch)
Ginormous sketch (Child & Mother)


Another picture in the HSBC Mastercard application pamphlet. (The most popular of the bunch among people who've seen my recent sketches)
Ginormous sketch (Bridge)


And yet another picture in the HSBC Mastercard application pamphlet.
Ginormous sketch (Island)

A wet sack of crazy!

Do people change? Sure. But not very quickly. At least, real change deep down doesn't happen overnight. Superficial change happens all the time.

It's like trying to dye an onion.

Sure, you can change the surface colour easy enough, but peel back a layer and you see the change was only surface deep. Changing the whole takes a considerable amount of time. When talking of people, I imagine we're talking years.

If you want to change your life, you have to change both inside and out. Change how you think, and change how you act. The key here being the ability to change how you think, not just what you think.

What I think changes all the time. Sometimes it only takes a second. Changing how I think, I imagine, would be a much more profound and life-altering endevour.

(Which begs the question of why you would want your life altered... but that's a whole other jar of nutella.)

If you've always been a heavy thinker, try being more spontaneous. If you've always been quick to act, try being quick to think instead. I've always been a (hypocritical) advocate of change, as I believe there is so much more to learn and experience from new situations compared to old situations slightly altered.

10 years of experience is vastly different from 1 year 10 times over.

In my case, I have always been self-consious of how others think. Now I say fuck it. You suck and I won't care anymore.

I will be the second biggest wet sack of crazy you've ever seen.

The year in review

Test post follows...

"You need to re-evaluate your priorities."

Ironically, this statement has an underlying assumption that you had, at one point, evaulated your priorities in the first place.

Popular wisdom dictates that residing at the top of your priorities list should be your family, your career, and your future; not necessarily in that order. Of course your "future" generally consists of your family and your career. What happened to your dreams? Your desires, your wants, your drive?

My dreams always consisted of me being overwhelmed by an unrelenting horde of spiders. Make of that what you will.

-- First blog post. November 16, 2004

It's recently come to my attention that this blog has recently passed the one year mark with neither fanfare nor introspection.

So the year in review:

Word of the year? Transition.

I realize that I'm in a transitionary phase of my life right now in all aspects. From social relationships, to academics, to careers, to beliefs. In all these respects, I've witnessed an ending of sorts in the last year. In all these respects, I am witnessing hints of new beginnings.

But part of me realises that it's not really a new beginning. It's just a transition. Meaning it's the same, yet different. If it sounds like I'm being vague, that's because I am. Let's see if I'm going somewhere with this.

A new beginning would imply that there had been nothing prior to that point, or at least, nothing pertinent. A fresh start, if you will. But events DID happen before, and to ignore or dismiss them would be foolish. Instead, what you do is continuously build upon them. The transition phase comes into play when you change your building pattern.

Clear as mud? I'm afraid that's as good as it's going to get at this point.

I'm still in transition.

--Transition--

I had existed in complacency for a while. This summer I shook things up a little with various flights, fancies, and flops. I've never felt so wonderful yet miserable at the same time.

I have been unknowingly forming the mold from which to shape my next phase in life. That is a scary thought because as time passes, it grows more difficult to break out of the mold. I want to know what kind of mold I'm creating before I step into it.

-- Transition --

For a while, I lived for others. I had a sense of purpose, but was miserable.

For a while, I lived for myself. I had fun, but found this reckless abandonment of accountability and responsibility to be unfullfilling.

For a while, I tried to live with a balance. Respect for both myself and others. I just got confused and unproductive.

Now, I realize there are other ways to live. Other choices to be made. It's not an either-or world we live in. The current limit on our choices is our imagination.

Mine seems to be fizzing out.

-- Transition --

Of all my bloggings, very few are written with the intention of another person reading it. Well... that's not really true. Let me put it another way. Very few were written with the intention that another person will fully understand it.

In fact, a lot of the time I don't even fully understand it.

edit: I'm just a big ol' wet sack, aren't I? A wet sack of crazy! Wackawackawackawacka

The week in review

Saturday - promises
Made a promise.

Promises. There are two phrases that I am very careful about using. Their meanings are very specific to me and carry a lot of baggage with them. One of these phrases is "I promise you".

I don't make promises lightly and when I do, it is with the full intension to keep them. I'm just forgetful sometimes, is all.

Sunday - marriage
Got away from the kids and spent some time with the wife. Oh those triplets, love them to death, but they'll be the death of me.

Ever commit to something, then when the time comes you say "Oh HELL no!" Yeah, it happens.

And congrats to the lucky couple. Apparently "marriage" is the word of the day.

Monday - drinking pains
Busy at work when when all of a sudden at 1:10pm, "Oww... wtf is this? Oww!"

I only remember having this feeling one other time in my life. So whatever causes it must be very special. The thought then is that if it can cause inexorable pain, does it not possess the ability to do the opposite and cause the heart-bursting levels of joy?

It's a logical falacy. But I think I understand now.

Picked up the phone; decided to make the effort. Then figured the effort was too much and half-assed it.

And for the last time, no I was not drunk tonight... well, I had a nightcap, but that was later on.

Tuesday - wtf x 2
Finishing up a bowl of Bun Bo Hue at 5:55pm... it strikes again. An open window, the Art Institute of Seattle, The Ellen Degeneres Show... wtf is going on?!

Drinking only made it worse. Funny thing? I think I liked it when it got worse. At least it was something, you know?

Amazing cup of hot chocolate.

Wednesday - respect
You have none, yet demand it anyways.

I'm still young gorram it!

I'm beginning to wonder if I have any myself.

Thursday - growth
Free lift tickets at Grouse! Of course, it can't be that simple and they have to run out of both ski and snowboard boots in my size.

Wasn't all bad though. I found out that just like before, I'm still a sucker for a nice Aussie accent. The difference this time? I don't have the excuse of being in a different time zone.

Conversations. I still don't really understand it, but thanks for trying to explain it. I'm sure I'll get it someday. (Actually, I'm not so sure about that)

Took off the bandage. Instead of slapping another on and possibly creating a complication, let it go so that the wound can heal. I'm sure it'll leave a scar, but scars add character!

And so instead of giving in to tempations to regress, I made good on a promise; I picked up the phone.

Cheers

Making you way in the world today
takes everything you've got,
Taking a break from all your worries
sure would help a lot,
Wouldn't you like to get away?

Best TV show theme song in the world.

When I want to get away, where do I go? High up on the mountain tops to play in the snow.

Numbers

14
days until test results come in

9
days until job hunt progress is revealed / days since I made the decision... I think

4.95
dollars under my credit card limit for this month

2
opposing scenarios that I really don't have time for

1
time for your mind, two times if you're tense baby let it unwind

three counts let it bouce to da muthafucking ounce?

I'm no poet

It festered and grew over months
Without warning it bubbled over, and so
I told you.
Revealing myself for a moment
You could see my naked truth, and then
you cut me
And kept a piece for yourself
And now you ask me to wait, to wait
on your reply
Something something yadda doo
To find the what the when the how, the if
I WILL DIE!!!

Ahh, the wonders of modern science. You can pop in for surgery after work and be out before the traffic cop fines your car, but have to wait three freaking weeks for them to play with coloured vials to find out what's going on.

Waiting half naked in a room for what seemed like forever? Uncomfortably comfortable

Local anesthesia that let me witness the doc cutting into me? Very cool

New scar? TBA after I remove the bandage... but assumedly super cool.

Results? Pending.

Egads

Egads. It's going down tomorrow. Putting it all on the line. I need to believe.

BELIEEEEEVE!

They both missed it

What do you want to be?

I don't know. As a kid I wanted to be lots of things. An astronaut, a cowboy, a ninja, a fireman, an author. But as of right now? I haven't the slightest idea.

Let's look at it another way. How about happy? Do you want to be happy?

Well, of course.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I mean, doesn't everybody?

Not necessarily. The way I see it, some people want to be happy while others want to be "not miserable".

What's the difference?

In one, you will actively pursue certain situations in hopes of success. In the latter, you will actively avoid situations in fear of failure. A subtle, but I think important difference. So I'll ask you again, and really think about it this time. Do you want to be happy?

That's quite a loaded question isn't it? I think you're overly simplifying things and drawing presumptuous conclusions again.

I think you're missing the point.

Which is?

... Do you want to be happy?

Dude, shut up.