s_t_r_a_w_b_e_r_r_y says (8:27 PM):
eeeew
bruce!
metaphors, honey. metaphors
get a bunch of corporate executive suits together and they start jerking each other off trying to impress one another
ultimately people end up trying too hard, becoming giant pricks who don't know how to use their head properly
so you just try to go along with it, hoping it gets better
u fake it?!!
*shrug*
Before I joined The Big Machine, I did some work for a small consulting group in New Westminster. A lot of our clients were start-ups.
I remember visiting grungy home offices with distinctly persistent smells. One, vanilla incense. Another, curry.
I remember smelly dogs leaping onto my freshly ironed shirts. Except for Sasha. She was rehabilitated from the SPCA and had some issues, but eventually she'd follow me around, tail wagging.
I remember the agony we'd live through trying to find funding. The nighttimes would end up at some random bar, us either staring deep into the bottom of our pints or raising them high in cheer.
But most of all, I remember the smiles.
The smiles of passion when somebody would talk about their dream. Whether revitalising the Vancouver bar scene with East Coast ideas or starting a new West Coast comedy festival to rival Montreal's Just For Laughs.
The smiles of amazement as things take a turn for the better. When after setback after setback, you get that first bit of funding to build that revolutionary water filtering prototype.
The smiles of non-regret when you know you've tried your all. And even though your all may not have worked out as planned, it was one hell of a ride.
Sometimes, I miss those smiles.
They were genuine.
Seemingly predestined events led to me meeting up with Fourteen today.
We spent a couple hours chapter raiding and japadog hunting before she had to hop on her flight out.
I suppose it went better than expected, although I didn't really know what to expect. Certainly didn't expect to hear that she's getting married.
It's funny how one person's actions can shape your mindset for years to come without you realising or acknowledging it it.
Once you do realise and acknowledge it, what do you do from there?
Giving Thanks is one option. Really, there's no more appropriate time of year than now.
Ever notice that the only people that panic about a situation are the people that feel they have no control over the situation?
Seriously, calm the fuck down. I've got it covered.
Trust in the Bruce.
Ever wonder why most every* metaphor has to deal with sex? How you can imbue the most innocent phrase or gesture with erotic overtones? Err, undertones... overtones?
Overtone: An ulterior, usually implicit meaning or quality; an implication or a hint
Undertone: An underlying or implied tendency or meaning; an undercurrent
Over or under? I suppose I could swing either way...
Err, I mean my head is just so confused...
Shit, I mean...
Stupid tones, I'm like totally not gay.
*Yes, I still like to be redundant in speech
Got my ass rocked. Because I didn't want to crucify a co-worker, he fucking ass lances me in front of the client and higher ups.
Is Curb gonna have to choke a bitch?
A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.
The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.
A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, with meetings, dinners and free pens and a certificate of completion for the rower.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.
The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was "out-sourced" to India ....
When I get married, here's how it's going to play out:
(After being on hold for 43 minutes...)
Thank you for calling Rogers, how may I assist you?
I've lost my cell phone so I'd like to place a stop on all outgoing calls and forward all incoming calls to another number.
Sure Mr. Nguyen I can set that up for you.
Thanks, the number I'd like to forward calls to is...
Actually while I can set up call forwarding for you, you can also set it up yourself. I can give you the touch tone codes, all you have to do is enter these codes on to your cell phone.
(*Pause* is this girl an idjit?) Right, well I've lost my phone so can I set it up remotely from another phone?
No sir, it has to be your own cell phone.
(She is, she is an idjit) Okay... Well, since I don't my phone we can't really go down that route.
Alright sir, so would you like me to set up call forwarding or would you like to set it up yourself?
(*Pause* Deep breath, Bruce, take a deep breath) Yeah, if you could set it up, that would be great. Thanks. (Thinking: Am I talking to a real person or one of those automated voice systems?)
--
Don't get me started on the interactive voice recognition enabled telephone help desk.
It's been a torrid affair between the two of us.
The tantalizing build up as promises are made.
The long passionate nights as promises are held.
The inevitable blasé as promises are broken.
We've been through this cycle countless times now.
This is the last time; I swear it. If it doesn't work this time, it's not going to work ever. I'll accept that. I really will.
But I have to give it this one last go.
One last chance for that happy ending.
I will finish reading this goddamn book.
Ever wonder what it's like to date a yuppie professional who's used to giving power point presentations? Wonder no more:
Romance: An Analysis - Andy Meyers (June 28, 1996)
(It's a virus free PowerPoint file.)
While there is a time-gap in when the analysis took place, I believe you will find it still relevant to current day and extremely concise in its use of visual aids.
e.g.
A couple of the slides had me laughing out loud.
[Hidden]
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear...
[/Hidden]
When composing an email, do not use a cursive font in an attempt to make your correspondence seem handwritten and more 'personal'.
e.g.
(a) It makes it look like spam.Actually, forget (c); when I'm working 11+ hour days everyday starting at 7:30am, I think a little personal venting time is justified.
(b) It makes it more difficult to read than a standard font.
(c) It makes me waste company time by blogging in frustration.
September 14
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