Thursday, August 31, 2006

What would I look like if I were...


faces_horizontal, originally uploaded by Bruce Nguyen.

Top row: Caucasian // West Asian // Afro Carribean // Female // Drunk
Middle row: Baby // Child // Original (East Asian, Young Adult) // Teenager // Older Adult
Bottom row: Drawn by Modigliani // Drawn by Botticelli // Drawn by El Greco // Anime style // Ape-man

--

I don't think I look too keen as a Black guy, but White, Brown, or Oriental? Damn, I'm sexy! ;)

Upload a photo to Perception Laboratory's Face Transformer and see how you might look if you were another race, another species, another gender, etc.

The un-doctored image is centre. Click on the image above to view my Flickr page where each individual transformation is described.

If you have a Flickr account, you can also log in to view larger and more detailed versions of the above picture (click on the "All Sizes" button for this picture after you log in.) The full size original version is 1500 x 1200.

Or you can click here for a larger not quite so huge version of the picture.

Thanks Kare, for posting the Face Transformer so I could steal it from you.

Curse of my heritage

So late in the afternoon I find out the Practice Lead for Western Canada for my division is in town today but is leaving on a plane at 7pm. Naturally I somehow navigate my way into grabbing a quick bite to eat with him before he has to leave town.

Get offered a beer.

I accept.

Bruce + Beer + no Pepcid AC on hand + working meal = Well... fuck!

Stupid Asian flush.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Annoyed; figured out why.

An epiphany woke me at 5am.

As I madly tried to transcribe it, the torrential blast of words I so clearly pictured in my mind poured out of me quicker than I could keep up with. As the clouds of conviction dissipated, all I was left with was a haphazardly collected pool of half-finished thoughts and roughly worded concepts.

Something about socially constructed gender roles, incongruency of actions and thought, and idealistic but obviously misguided justifications and interpretations.

While the entire stream of thought that flowed to this conclusion is incomprehensibly lost now, I do have the end result clear in mind. And maybe, that's the most important part.
[hidden]
The root of this annoyance ball that's found haven inside me this last week?
It's not you, it's me.
Seriously.
And the part that annoys me the most? It's that I'm seriously considering not doing anything about it

[/hidden]
There are few people in the world that can irritate me more than myself.


Thursday, August 24, 2006

It's not gonna happen... Get over it!

No matter how much I want it to happen... and I do want it to happen, I really do... it's not.

I think I'm just going to have to come to terms with it. It's been on my mind for months now... I'll discuss it with people and while some have chimed in with rounds of, "Go for it! Take the risk!"... I can't. I won't.

Not again.

Whenever I get close to making up my mind and taking that leap, all of a sudden I'll be infected with a form of Blue Car Syndrome. I'll start to notice guys all around me that seem to have made the exact same choice that I'm considering... Seeing their results convinces me that following though with this choice would be mistake.

A huge mistake.

Stupid Asian genes.

Why can't I grow a nice looking goatee?
[hidden] Bet you thought I was going to take a different route didn't you? Well, being predictable was never a talent of mine that I liked to indulge. [/hidden]

Silly Gooses

Umm... "Geese"?

No, it's "Gooses".
[hidden] Multiple plural, individual plural; I think I'm so clever. [/hidden]

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Stop being a drama king.

Had a nice day today. But on the drive home felt frustrated as hell. Drove recklessly at 130+ kmph while just barely avoiding the urge to smash my car into something... anything. Fuck, am I annoyed at me or at you? I have no fucking idea.

Spread em!

Yes, I have this weird fascination with data exploration, extraction, and infographics.

Is it wrong that seeing the following two links gave me shivers down my spine?

Lightweight data exploration in Excel


More on Excel in-cell graphing


In line Gantt charts!


And what started this foray back into excel and spreadsheets?

Why, dicking around with Google Spreadsheets of course! (Collaborative moving itinerary and budget, woo!)

PS: Ooh... iRows!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Acronyms

IINL;
IIA

No, I won't be playing charades with you.
[hidden] It'll be more like a lame version of '20 Questions' [hidden]

--

On an unrelated note... well, a not-directly-related note at least, my best man speech outline was as follows:

  1. Living in shadow
  2. Meeting the future bride
  3. Wishing you happy smells

Friday, August 04, 2006

Seriously

You people give the worst advice in the world. I need another me to take advice from.

A couple of scrapes and bruises is fine. Through adversity do we grow, and through experience and 'failure' do we quickly learn.

Experiencing success reinforces current habits.
Experiencing loss can promote change, but only if the loss is accepted as a progressive step.
It is argued that skewed distributions of successes or perceived successes in ratio to setbacks and losses will lead to stagnation of mind and spirit.

Stagnation.

It has a weird smell.

[hidden] Yes, I had nothing to do at work today. [/hidden]

Word of advice (c)

I can't believe you're doing this.

It's something I think I should do, so that's what I'm doing... It's the right thing.

Dude, you shouldn't make decisions when you're depressed. It's like making decisions when you're drunk.

Meaning it'll be fun?

No. Meaning it'll seem right at the time but when your head clears, you'll realize that your pants are missing and you're wearing your underwear on your head.

Right... so like I said; fun.

No, buddy, I'm saying you're using your head like your ass. It's full of crap right now and that's all that's coming out of it.

It's not crap, it's fertilizer. Maybe my asshead is a fertile ground for good decisions.

Not in this case. Buddy, I'm telling you, it's not too late to turn back. Stop this lunacy now.

You're calling me crazy...

Dude, there's a difference between condemning the person and condemning the action. This action path that you've started...

Maybe I am crazy... and this is the only way to clear my head. The only way for me to move on. I can't take these constant reminders and memory triggers... it all has to go.

You're hopeless.

Not hopeless; depressed. Actually... I suppose having no hope ties into that.

Dude...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Keep Your Fork

Keep reading until the end. Then smile. -B

The following is a shortstory titled "Keep Your Fork", written by Roger William Thomas, published in A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

--

The sound of Martha's voice on the other end of the telephone always brought a smile to Brother Jim's face. She was not only one of the oldest members of the congregation, but one of the most faithful. Aunt Martie, as all the children called her, just seemed to ooze faith, hope and love wherever she went.

This time, however, there seemed to be an unusual tone to her words. "Preacher, could you stop by this afternoon? I need to talk with you."

"Of course. I'll be there around three, Is that okay?"

As they sat facing each other in the quiet of her small living room, Jim learned the reason for what he sensed in her voice. Martha shared the news that her doctor had just discovered a previously undetected tumor.

"He says I probably have six months to live." Martha's words were certainly serious, yet there was a definite calm about her.

"I'm so sorry to . . . " but before Jim could finish, Martha interrupted.

"Don't be. The Lord has been good. I have lived a long life. I'm ready to go. You know that."

"I know," Jim whispered with a reassuring nod.

"But I do want to talk with you about my funeral. I have been thinking about it, and there are things that I know I want."

The two talked quietly for a long time. They talked about Martha's favorite hymns, the passages of Scripture that had meant so much to her through the years, and the many memories they shared from the five years Jim had been with Central Church.

When it seemed that they had covered just about everything, Aunt Martie paused, looked up at Jim with a twinkle in her eye, and then added, "One more thing, preacher. When they bury me, I want my old Bible in one hand and a fork in the other."

"A fork?" Jim was sure he had heard everything, but this caught him by surprise. "Why do you want to be buried with a fork?"

"I have been thinking about all of the church dinners and banquets that I attended through the years," she explained. "I couldn't begin to count them all. But one thing sticks in my mind.

"At those really nice get-togethers, when the meal was almost finished, a server or maybe the hostess would come by to collect the dirty dishes. I can hear the words now. Sometimes, at the best ones, somebody would lean over my shoulder and
whisper, `You can keep your fork.' And do you know what that meant? Dessert was coming!

"It didn't mean a cup of Jell-O or pudding or even a dish of ice cream. You don't need a fork for that. It meant the good stuff, like chocolate cake or cherry pie! When they told me I could keep my fork, I knew the best was yet to come!

"That's exactly what I want people to talk about at my funeral. Oh, they can talk about all the good times we had together. That would be nice.

"But when they walk by my casket and look at my pretty blue dress, I want them to turn to one another and say, `Why the fork?'

"That's what I want you to say. I want you to tell them that I kept my fork because the best is yet to come."

I am

ludacris motion cougar

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Week 30, 2006 (weekend edition)

Items of note:

  • I said a hip, hop, the hippie, the hippie hippie hip hip hop, you don't stop. [/hidden] Misdirection! [/hidden]
Quotes:
  • On what else would I call you?
    Be: Aww, you called me a 'woman'!

  • On such and such 2
    Na: If we were to ever live together...
    Br: We'd kill each other?
    Na: Yeah.

  • On finding a discrete place to throw stuff away...
    Br: Are you trying to hide a dead body?

  • On joining the club...
    CF: All right, I'm gonna go find my balls and stop being such a chick now.

  • On being part of the club...
    GA: Wow, you have more self control than me.
    CF: Well... it's either that or I have an intense dislike of anything that can make me happy.

  • On going to see Strangers With Candy...
    CF: What if the stranger says he has candy in his black-tinted-windows, nondescript van?
    KH: If he's cute, go for it.
    CF: I fear for your future children's lives.
Contemplations:
  • I made a promise. [hidden] Stupid fucking promises... [/hidden]
    I forgot about it. [hidden] And what to do seemed so clear... [/hidden]
    I remember it now. [hidden] Stupid fucking memory... [/hidden]

  • A new recipe for life...
    Ingredients: Bruce (1)
    Instructions: Serve as is.

  • Yes, I know; I'm a hypocrite. [hidden] boo-urns [/hidden]

  • I don't want to hear it. [hidden] Yes I do. [/hidden]

  • I'M the fucking king! [hidden] It's quite sad. [/hidden]

Friday, July 28, 2006

Week 30, 2006

Items of note:

  • Research weekend coming up.

  • Second last week of Richmond project.

  • Made a plan of action. It's simple, really. [hidden] screw my contemplations... this makes it simpler. [/hidden]
Quotes:
  • On but they don't know each other...
    BN: "That's the beauty of the system!"

  • On needing to see the fear in his eyes...
    CF: Wow, [stuff and stuff and stuff...] your guy's a lucky man! Well... except for the dream about choking him in his sleep bit.
    JF: No, not in his sleep.

  • On the plan...
    BN: "Just Bruce. Nothing else required in this recipe."

  • On being self analytical...
    BL: "Sounds like you have things figured out..."
    BN: "Yes, avoiding the issue is quite the good plan."

  • On trains, rocketships, and tugboats...
    CF: Are you following along with my conga line of thought?

Paving Roads to Hell

I'm going to Hell.

Why would you say that?

The road to hell is paved with good inventions, isn't it?

Intentions.

Come again?

The saying is 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions', not 'inventions'.

Oh. Well that's a load off of my mind.

Wait a minute, what inventions have YOU created?

Lots. Remember that time at my apartment?

No.

Sure you do.

... no, dude I really don't.

Dude, the 2 chicks, the free beer, the actor invention?

Buddy, that's not an invention; there's a difference between creating things and making shit up.

Really? Well, what do you call a person who does that second thing?

A bloody lier.

Oh... then I'm still going to Hell?

Probably.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Week 29, 2006

Items of note:

  • Searched to achieve: Rascal Flatts' Ghosts
    Instead discovered: Kem the perfect stranger

  • Bachelor; archived July 1996?

  • Banquet; Nine bottles of wine divided by 4 people

  • Beach; I thought I didn't burn

  • If somebody gives you the, "You're like a song... if only I could make an mp3 of you" line... run. Run away now.
Quotes:
  • On I don't think that last part is going to happen
    B: "It's not about finding somebody 'better'; it's about finding somebody you can care about even more."

  • On you think you know me better than I know myself?
    Bu: "Whatever, I don't care."
    Bo: "Yes you do."
    Bu: "... fuck!"
  • On wedding traditions...
    DP: I'm trying to figure out the glass tapping code for 'second base'

  • On dude, you're such a drama king...
    DB: "I AM!"

  • On the count...
    BB: So this is the final countdown? Number 11?
    Br: Oh... yeah... pfft, this doesn't count.
Contemplations:
  • Who was it that said the following?
    "I don't believe a word I say,
    but if I can make you believe it,
    maybe you can make me a believer."

  • Rules are there for a reason. Especially in terms of stag parties. Stop breaking them you idjits!
    // "You do not TALK about fight club!"

  • Who could have thought that a bunch of naked women prancing about could be so unfulfilling?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Motivation (return of the meandering rant)

The various titles of this blog revolve around it, but I don't believe I've ever really explained why.

It is my belief that the saying, "it's the thought that counts" is a 1/2 tonne load of bullshit. Not quite a full tonne of bullshit, but close enough. While I do agree that the thought does actually count, too often people throw around this cliché as an excuse. The problem is that it's not an excuse, at least, not a very good one. What it is, however, is a perspective; a perspective that demotes the importance of delivered, actionable results.

If you give a crappy gift, that's your fault. Yes, the receiver can be graceful and show appreciation for the "thought" of the gift, but what "thought" was going through the giver's head? Was it: "I need to find the best and most appropriate gift"? I'd venture a guess that as time passed, the thought morphed from "best and most appropriate gift" to "I need something and I need it now!"

Let's say the gift was given with the best intentions and the giver was fully expecting it to go over like gang busters. It doesn't. What happened here? Were faulty assumptions and/or conclusions made? Doesn't matter. The execution is the key point here, not the intent.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions? Well, smart mouth, so is the road to heaven... Or any road, for that matter. The intent is immaterial to the end result by which it is viewed and judged.

So what does any of this have to do with motivation?

I forget. But I meant well.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Rascal Flatts Ghosts

Motivated.
[hidden] But for how long? [/hidden]

But who the heck is Robi Rosa?
[hidden] Answer 1: Former Menudo member.
Answer 2: He whose lyrics sullen me to no end (unrelated to Answer 1).
Answer 3: "You bore me" [/hidden]

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Week 28, 2006

Items of note:

  • Why must people feel to need to buy a house in the sticks? (If I have to drive more than 45 minutes, I'm probably not coming over to visit.)

  • Go, go, Flikr pro account!

  • Commence the researching of gentlemens clubs and escorts!
Quotes:
  • On what are you doing right now?
    BB: "Oh just sitting at work, picking my nose."

  • On a very special kind of friendship...
    BT: "I will let you wash my linen."

  • On oh will you please shut the fuck up...
    BB: Shh... Use your indoor voice.
Contemplations:
  • I'm not a footnote. Who the heck wants to be a footnote?

  • One call to make you smile 'the fool', two to take it away,
    Three to fill your mind with doubts, four to make it stay.

  • I'm thinking of the long term for once. This is very weird; I should be thinking short term right now instead. [hidden] (Abbreviated names and language learning... shit, I expect to be freaked out by these thoughts... but they're more comforting than anything else. And that kind of freaks me out.) [/hidden]
Lessons learned:
  • How to install laminate flooring.

  • How to work 4 days in a row without sleep.

  • How to go from chip lead to broke in 3 hands.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

This made me chuckle

Apparently, the footage of Zidane's headbutt on Materazzi shown on television was different depending on what country you were in.


Linky: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/07/13/zidane_headbutt_outrage/